DEATH BEFORE BIRTH

"When a fetus is miscarried, aborted, or born dead, hospital personnel call this a 'fetal demise.' They know also that for whatever period of time, and with whatever circumstances of loss, a mother carried a child in her womb. Whether her pregnancy was for two months or nine, she lived in relationship with that child as well as with the father or others who participated in the hopes, plans, and decisions that were made for the life growing within her.

"Health professionals are generally sensitive to the need for parents and family to express their grief. At some local hospitals, they encourage parents to hold a dead infant, and they take photographs of the body. The film is given to the parents, who choose whether or not to develop it. The parents receive a card with a stamp of the footprints and a keepsake box that contains a gown and cap and blanket. If the fetus has developed for fewer than twenty weeks, the hospital will cremate the body and give the parents the remains or release the fetus for private burial. (If the fetus has developed twenty weeks or more, the body is released according to the same laws that apply to other deaths.)

"The footprints and the keepsake box can then be used for the ritual of committing the bodily remains. This was the case for the parents of a boy child who was developing with no brain; his life ended with a medically indicated abortion. On a table prepared for the ceremony, they laid the infant's ink footprints, a small carved box containing the infant's fetal remains, and a large blue candle. The candle was not lit, and it remained unlit for the short memorial. The unlit candle, a palpable symbol of a life never lived, offered a space for grief — an empty space bereft of the hopes for new life.

"SOME GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR INFANT OR FETAL DEATH

". . . There are some things to consider when you are planning ceremonies of memory for babies who die before or shortly after birth.

* "Whether or not the child has breathed or been given a name, he or she lived. The child miraculously developed uniqueness and existed in relationship as a human being, not an 'it.'

* "The death of an infant or fetus is often the death of the hopes and dreams of the parent or parents. Those hopes and dreams should be named.

* "The physical remains, even of a fetus that has been aborted by choice, deserve a ceremony of committal. This honors not only the human life that developed in the mother's womb but also the relationship that existed between parent or parents and fetus. A ceremony will help bring closure to that relationship.

* "To gather in community for a ceremony of memory and committal not only honors the brief life of the child but also gives social recognition to the depth of the loss of the parents. It is an invitation to others to recognize the family's grief and offer comfort."