"During the long, hard year, I felt every moment drip by. Living in another culture, small moments happen less. There is less middle ground. Things such as going to the grocery store and making a phone call are adventures, not having the comfort of routine or knowing a place. Challenges and joys saturated each second, as I intentionality walked slowly and absorbed every ounce of life there. I was proud that I survived, marveled at how I had changed, and celebrated the excitement of my imminent return home.
"I had done things I never dreamed I could do. I had traveled to faraway places, eaten strange meals, met people who changed my heart forever, and slept in countless different rooms around South America. I had overcome struggles and leapt boundaries that I never had to face before. One of the many reasons I signed on to this program was that I was sick of being a traveler. I wanted to become a more sensitive and responsible member of the world community by actually living in another culture and calling it home. In this way, my year was a success.
"But a part of me felt like a cheat for walking away. With every day I lived, I knew I was twenty-four hours closer to going home. With every struggle I faced, I knew I could step back into life as usual in a short while. My vulnerability, poverty, lack of power and control, and struggle with the language and culture were temporary, which made it easier and more comfortable in enduring it. With that knowledge came sadness because I am privileged enough to intentionally enter into a position of vulnerability and walk away when I choose. Billions of people live their entire lives oppressed by the cycle of poverty or discriminated against as foreigners without relief. Not only did I experience relief and renewal every time I was fortunate enough to travel with the other volunteers, I was facing permanent relief at the end of the year. I walked in a foreigner's shoes for a long year, but only a year. I was a relevant observer, but on my return I became a native again. So as I struggled somewhere between the pride of accomplishment and the guilt of temporality, I prayed that I could continue to live a life of intentionality and service with a newfound compassion for those who never know the relief of power or privilege."
