"Penthos are tears of compunction, a puncturing of the hard shell of the heart, which pierces to our core, reminding us of who we most deeply are. This 'gift of tears,' as they are sometimes referred to, reveals to us the misguided perfectionism, games, and manipulations we struggle to achieve, as well as the stories we tell ourselves. These tears free us from lying and any form of pretense that takes over when we feel anxious. In the Eastern Orthodox tradition, the sacrament of confession is sometimes called the 'Mystery of the Second Baptism.' The ones who truly confess are baptized again in their own tears, symbolizing the in-breaking of truth and freedom.

"Tears are another essential element of the monastic way. Tears of compunction fall when we are awakened to realities that had been, until now, hidden beneath our conscious awareness. Often they are stirred when we deepen our contemplative practice and begin to get in touch with all the ways we have turned away from God and from ourselves. We discover something authentic and meaningful, and grief is unleashed over having ignored it for so long. Compunction comes both through God's grace and our own open-heartedness. Benedict writes in his Rule: 'We must know that God regards our purity of heart and tears of compunction, not our many words' (20:3).

"You have likely had the experience where you were sitting in silence, and suddenly a great sadness rose up in you, and you weren't certain where it came from. Prayer works through the many layers of our defenses, so that we keep discovering what feels like new levels of grief and sorrow at how far away we have allowed ourselves to wander from the heart.

"John Chryssavgis writes: 'Tears and weeping indicate a significant frontier in the way of the desert. They bespeak a promise. In fact, they are the only way into the heart' (In the Heart of the Desert, 48). This frontier is the boundary between our old way of seeing and believing and the wide new expansiveness into which contemplative prayer calls us. Compunction awakens us to all the ways we have been false to our own deepest self and to the profound longing that is kindled when we pay attention to the heart. . . .

"Compunction is an interior stance of grace-filled and humble self-knowledge, recognizing that you are always on the journey and have never arrived. It is the combination of two words from the Greek: penthos and katanyxis, meaning 'a sudden shock, an emotion which plants deep in the soul a feeling, an attitude, or a resolution' (irenee Hausher, Penthos: The Doctrine of Compunction in the Christian East, 8).

"In the ancient monastic tradition, the connection between these two was understood as a moment in a monk's life when something happened that caused the monk to become deeply aware that he had made a choice to move away from God. Compunction leads to sorrow and a gift of tears. These tears begin as an experience of reconciliation, and then move toward joy and the experience of being received back into the arms of God no matter how far the monk has strayed.

"These tears come through a recognition of our own limitations. They are tears of profound honesty with ourselves about the ways we have sabotaged ourselves or hurt the ones we love. Tears of compunction are like a great cleansing river running through the heart of the desert, releasing our sorrow and grief, so that we might return to God free of encumbrance. . . .

"The 'gift of tears' written about by the desert elders and several centuries later by St. Ignatius of Loyola are not about finding meaning in our pain and suffering. They do not give answers but instead call us to a deep attentiveness to the longings of our heart. They continue to flow until we drop our masks and self-deception and return to the source of our lives and longing. They are a sign that we have crossed a threshold into a profound sense of humility:

" :'Tears come when we learn to live more and more out of our deepest longings, our needs, our troubles. These must surface and be given their rightful place. For in them we find our real human life in all its depths. And when one begins with these unacceptable feelings and desires, which have to be submitted for examination, we must look closely at, and learn to live with, this amazing degree of weakness of ours. (Andrew Louf, "Humility and Obedience in the Monastic Tradition," Cistercian Studies, vol. XVIII, [1983:4], 268)'

"God is felt in the places of pain and sorrow, in the places of paradox and contradiction. Our tears reveal our deepest joys when we acknowledge that we cannot possess anything, neither the spring blossoming nor our partner in life. We learn to love without holding on, without possessing.

"The gift of tears brings with it discomfort and pain that comes when we finally allow ourselves to have a direct experience of reality. They do not arise from fear or compulsion. The opposite of penthos is acedia, and sometimes appears like sorrow but actually rejects the hard work of softening the heart and leads to greater self-centeredness. Penthos leads to greater God-centeredness.

"Tears are agents of resurrection, ushering us into new life — life lived awake and fully present. St. Ephrem writes: 'Give God weeping, and increase the tears in your eyes, through your tears and his goodness the soul which has been dead will be restored' (Irene Hausherr, Penthos: The Doctrine of Compunction in the Christian East [Cistercian Publication, 1982], 29)."