"Playful teasing is one important way in which social bonds are strengthened. You don't, if you have any sense, tease strangers on the bus, since they will find your behavior insulting. Nor do you tease people you have just met. But if you know someone and want your relationship with that person to be even closer, teasing is one way to achieve your goal. Teasing implies a level of acceptance and even intimacy. Indeed, if no one ever teases you, it could well be because you don't have any close friends.
"Men in particular are likely to be more comfortable with affectionate teasing than they are with outright declarations of affection. They therefore enter into the sort of joking relationships I have described. Strangers who watch 'joking friends' interact with each other might mistakenly think they are bitter enemies, when in fact the insults and counterinsults being unleashed are the sign of a deep and abiding friendship.
"Psychologists have documented the paradoxical nature of teasing: it can simultaneously criticize and compliment someone, and it can express affection for him by attempting to humiliate him. Teasing is a form of permitted disrespect. By teasing someone, we display, in a socially acceptable manner, our affection toward the target of our teasing. And if we tease someone in public, we make it clear to all those who witness the tease that we have a close relationship with the target of our teasing. Indeed, these witnesses might find themselves wishing that they knew the target well enough to tease him.
"Think about what happens when you join a group. At first, you might find that group members, who tease each other relentlessly, treat you with respect and as a result are a bit standoffish. You realize, though, that playful teasing is a sign of social acceptance and therefore that being teased by group members is a good thing, if your goal is to become an accepted member of the group. You might therefore long to be teased by other members, and you might even go out of your way to become the target of their playful teasing. As the other group members get to know you, you might be subjected to the occasional friendly gibe. Then, if you are lucky, the day finally arrives when the group confers an affectionate nickname on you or makes you the butt of a joke. At this point, you can breathe a sigh of relief: the fact that the group abuses you means that they have embraced you as one of their own."
