Aim for Royal Respect
"In general, criticism should never be used to push people down while raising us up. Critical words should never be said in haste or without humanity. Never should our goal be to make the other person feel bad. Think about how much more civil life would be if we remembered to always care about the person whom we are addressing.
"Indeed, when it comes to civility, the sacrifices we make and the sensitivity we observe all boil down to one golden rule: Remember the divinity in each other. This is our greatest challenge and our greatest hope. In an age of increasing violence in our entertainment and everyday speech, not to mention the vicious personal attacks in politics, civility means restoring a sense of awe for all human beings. This approach is reflected in a common synonym for civility, the word courtesy. This word actually comes from the word court. As the name implies, when it comes to courtesy, we are supposed to treat others like royalty. We are supposed to be as considerate of others as if they were genuine nobility. Imagine how much more civility we would have if we treated one another in this way. Not only would our own behavior improve, but we might even improve the behavior of others.
"This lesson is reflected in the stage version of The Man of La Mancha, the story of Don Quixote. The play features a waitress and prostitute named Aldonza. When Don Quixote sees her, he refuses to treat her as a prostitute. Instead, he calls her 'my Lady.' He actually gives her a new name, Dulcinea. Even after she is raped, and Don Quixote finds her hysterical and disheveled, he says compassionately, 'My Lady, Dulcinea, oh my Lady, my Lady.'
" 'Don't call me a lady,' she cries. 'O God, don't call me a lady. Can't you see me for what I am? I was born in a ditch by a mother who left me there naked and cold — too hungry to cry. . . . Don't call me a lady. I'm only Aldonza. I'm nothing at all.'
"As she runs into the night, Don Quixote calls out, 'But you are my Lady.'
At the end of the play, the Man of La Mancha is dying alone, despised and rejected. To his deathbed comes a Spanish queen with a mantilla of lace. Quietly she kneels beside him and prays. He opens his weak eyes and says, 'Who are you?'
" 'My Lord, don't you remember? You gave me a new name; you called me Dulcinea. I am your Lady.'
"Don Quixote refused to treat Aldonza with anything less than royal respect. And so this is what she became. Likewise, if we treat others with civility and courtesy — as noble people, as people with souls — just maybe we are helping them to grow into civil and courteous people. In doing so, we'll be making a more humane society for us all."
