"Learning to be in relationship is often like learning a musical instrument. It takes time, patience, and the willingness to make unpleasant sounds in the beginning. Lao Tzu says:
" 'To know harmony is to know constancy.
Knowing constancy is to be enlightened.
(Chapter 55)'
"The following poem of mine addresses just this dynamic of constancy in relationship:
"Constancy requires a firm hand on the heart,
an ongoing view of the big picture,
a willingness to live in the present moment,
a gentle letting go of needs and wants,
the ability to love deeply and well,
a strong sense of self,
a true sense of being grounded and rooted
in our body and being,
an appreciation of small things,
a feeling of lightness and ease within oneself,
a strong feeling of devotion and
connection to the divine —
both within ourselves and within our lover,
the ability to trust and be trusted,
an openness to change in every moment,
the understanding that not doing
is as important as doing,
an openness to both pain and joy,
a strong desire to surrender —
to our lover, to our life,
to the divine nature of the universe,
the releasing of all expectations,
and lastly,
a true sense of
what is important and what is not,
and then, to be able to
disregard what is not
and cherish what is.
"In today's fast-paced world many people have a difficult time finding the time to cultivate themselves, never mind cultivating a relationship. The secret, though, is not the quantity of cultivation, but the quality. Constancy is the key to cultivating a healthy relationship and a long-lasting marriage.
"Being consistently flexible, tolerant, emotionally and intellectually open, and willing to respect each other's cycles, both emotional and physical, are also keys to a successful marriage.
"Remaining flexible and open-minded ensures that we are always open to new ideas and new experiences, which love and relationship are certainly always bringing us. Any long-term marriage or relationship gives us the opportunity to grow, both emotionally and spiritually. It offers myriad lessons, countless challenges, and numerous occasions to reflect on our own desires, dreams, and visions. Again, by treating your marriage as an opportunity for self-cultivation, you can benefit both yourself and your partner. By looking at your marriage as an opportunity for mutual growth, you will both grow together."
