"He never missed an opportunity to give people something to remember to enhance their lives. He rarely, if ever, merely signed his name when he autographed books for people. He would write something that was meaningful for each person. Many years later people have said to me, 'Your father autographed this book to me, saying something that I didn't even know was true about me then.' That's the connection he had — he was able to see within them and pull out the best for them to use. To me, that's healing in the highest sense.
"His basic philosophy was that life is joyous even though it is hard, unfair, filled with pain, and that every choice has both cost and benefit. Each of us is in charge of how we use what's in our minds and hearts. He simply did not believe in a victim mentality, although he certainly recognized that people can be victimized. He was compassionate, but simply did not support a victim stance. I remember him telling me never to let my children suffer unnecessary pain, but to accept they will suffer pain because that's part of life.
"Over the years people have often asked me what was the most valuable learning I received from Dad. Over the years, my answer has changed. At this point, I believe it is the belief that the only immediately renewable, life-long pleasure is learning. Therefore when I, or anyone, make a mistake or do something wrong, I get to learn something new and that can be a great pleasure. Anyone who pounds that notion into his or her mind cannot be a victim because we are each responsible for our own learning and we can find pleasure in all learning. To be a victim says you are choosing not to learn. Certainly he knew what he was talking about. He walked with a cane his whole adult life, had been paralyzed and heard his doctor tell his mother that he would die, before morning. He spent years of his life in a wheelchair, with the dependency that entails, he had learning disabilities as a youngster, was tone-deaf and color-blind his whole life. Yet he was never a victim.
"He believed that people don't have to understand in order to handle situations — some things are totally 'un-understandable' but that doesn't excuse not dealing with them. Railing against unfortunate, unfair, or cruel circumstances is futile. If you take responsibility for the unique life you have, you can never be a victim and you will always be striving for achievable better of yourself. Dad never stopped advocating complete self-responsibility.
"Most of all, he believed in living without compromising personal integrity. Integrity that has been compromised creates an existential emptiness, a hollow spot within the self, the heart, and the soul.
"The words 'too hard' or 'too scary' were not part of the thinking he espoused. It might be too hard, or cost too much, when the full cost and ramifications are considered, but nothing was ever 'too scary.' When he used hypnosis, I never heard him talk about 'going to a safe place' — he knew that any place to which we would voluntarily go was safe and if the subject discovered something painful, it was time to heal.
"He always said there were only two kinds of fear in the world. One is the fear of a tiger. If a tiger walks into the room, swishing his tail, licking his chops, with his hungry yellow eyes looking right at you, that's real fear! All other fears come from your mind. Even though the fear created by your mind is often more powerful than real fear, it comes from your mind."
