Think about all the ways we listen to our judge everyday. The weather is too hot, too windy, too cold, too humid. We are too sensitive, too cowardly, too passive, too boisterous. Our lover is too shy, too passionate, too intellectual, too boring. We judge our fellow human beings as too pushy, too greedy, too arrogant, too weak. Everything is too something. That's the judge at work.
Self-judgment keeps running the same stories over and over. And for some reason, we keep listening: Am I rich enough? Sexy enough? Smart enough? Respected enough? Fit enough? Good enough? Have I done enough to satisfy my parents? The answer is always never. Not in the eyes of judgment. It could always be better. You could always do more. Even at the end, when we are dying, that judgmental voice inside scans our life and deems our accomplishments not good enough. It's time to respond differently to our inner judge, to stop listening. It's time to witness it for what it really is, harsh, cruel judgment, and stop wasting our precious time believing it….
Since we are human beings with minds, we judge. Judgments don't stop just because we become skilled at recognizing, labeling, and letting them go. Judgment still come and go, moving in and out of our awareness. But judgments will create distance between ourselves and others, if we let them. They will close our hearts, if we let them. So it's important to witness our judgments as they pass through, and respond to them with compassion for our Being Self. Responding with compassion takes only a few moments, freeing us to spend hours basking in our unlimited joy that waits, like sunshine, for us to clear the clouds of judgment away.
Practice Tools:
1. Cultivate lots of nonjudgmental curiosity for this one. For one month, be willing to notice any and all ways you judge yourself. Even if you think you are so over judgment, see what comes up. Write down what you see, and learn. If you judge your looks, body shape, age, worldly success, sexual track record, driving history, and so forth, just jot down what you see.
2. After one month of witnessing your judgments, stand in front of a large mirror, look directly into your eyes, and read off all the judgments you wrote down. Notice how this feels in your body. (It's often tearfully painful.) Then close your eyes and ask your heart what it would like to hear from you. It may quietly say, "I need to know that I'm important" or, "I need to hear what I'm doing right." Just ask, take some deep breaths, and patiently listen for your Inner Self to respond.
3. When you notice a judgment, any judgment, say yes inside. Yes ride the in and out of your breath. Label it, "judging, judging" and let it go, bringing your awareness back into the present moment, to what your eyes are seeing, your hands are touching. Notice how the judgment feels in your body. Notice which thoughts and stories it triggers. Ask, "What am I getting out of judging myself (or others) right now?"
4. Practice shifting your identity into your wise, mature Being Self. When you witness a judgment, close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and whisper to yourself, "I'm willing to respond to this judgment from my Being Self." Think of someone or something you naturally feel lots of compassion for, and shine that compassion onto the young part of you inside that is lost in judgment. Notice what feeling is underneath, fueling the judgment, and hold that in compassion. Love yourself for feeling judgmental, and love the feeling that fueled it.
— Carolyn Hobbs in Joy No Matter What