Self-respect comes to life in its full glory when you turn a difficult situation around. In fact, it's tempting to say that you are more likely to grow in self-respect through the ways that you handle adversity than you ever could as you coast through the good times.

This doesn't mean that you will welcome hard times. You may, however, come to be less afraid of them.

The following questions let you use your own invaluable self-knowledge and experience as a resource. Write out the questions and write out your answers. This is far more effective and powerful than just turning them over in your mind.

• What can I learn from this situation? What do I need to pay attention to? (This doesn't mean: "Why is this happening to me?" That question leads only to increasing self-pity.)
• What past experiences can I draw on? What's familiar here?
• What part did I play in creating this situation?
• What aspects feel far out of my control?
• What values and qualities do I need to help me?
• How am I going to put those qualities into practice?
• Do I need support? How will I get that?
• What question am I not asking? What issue am I not seeing? (These are two questions with an almost magical power to shift obstacles to insight.)

Don't expect neat and tidy answers immediately. Let your unconscious do its own work. My experience is that asking the question is frequently enough. The answer may then come when you least expect it. Even in the most testing and difficult situations, give yourself a real chance to find the jewels of your own wisdom.

Stephanie Dowrick in Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials