"The major obstacle to forgiving is a lack of understanding just what forgiveness is. Some of us confuse forgiveness with condoning unkind actions. There are those who think that we forgive in order to repair the relationship with the offender. Some of us are afraid to forgive because we think we will not be able to seek justice. Some think that forgiveness has to be a precursor to reconciliation. Some of us think that forgiveness means we forget what happened. Others of us think that because our religion says we should forgive we have to be able to. Each of these conceptions is wrong.

"Forgiveness is the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell. Forgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in the present moment. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it changes the present. Forgiveness means that even though you are wounded you choose to hurt and suffer less. Forgiveness means you become a part of the solution. Forgiveness is the understanding that hurt is a normal part of life. Forgiveness is for you and no one else. You can forgive and rejoin a relationship or forgive and never speak to the person again."