The Fifth Stage of Love: Surrender and Non-attachment

"The Law of Surrender says that losing yourself in another person is the best way to find your true self. Surrender is the result of relinquishing the ego's last claims to separation. Surrender and non-attachment open the door to the miraculous, because miracles exist outside the realm of I, me, and mine. Many people mistakenly equate attachment with love when in fact attachment deprives us of love. Attachment goes into every situation asking, 'What can I get from this? What can I acquire for myself?' This impulse to possess comes from fear, and fear is the opposite of love. Attachment is always exclusive, and love is inclusive. Attachment is bondage, and love is freedom. Attachment is demanding, and love imposes no demands. Non-attachment is a state of freedom that preserves and increases your love for another. Attachment always seeks to control, and controlling people deeply fear abandonment. In true surrender, we never feel the need to control or cajole or convince or bully or manipulate or insist or beg or seduce. We know how to allow, and in that allowing, we invite love to move in and create miracles.

"In the state of surrender and non-attachment, lovers display certain characteristics:

• "They refuse to follow the impulses of anger and fear.

• "They trust that the universe is on their side.

• "They form their desires deep inside the heart and watch the higher self execute them.

• "They believe they are enough as they are.

• "They heed the tenderness and sweetness of their love for others.

• "They put their full energy of love into every situation.

• "They cultivate the peace of inner silence.

• "They understand that nothing is ever lost, it is only transformed. The ingredients of life shift from one plane to another without distorting the exquisite balance of life.

"When anyone asks me how to make their relationship 'more spiritual', I keep this model in mind. I think surrender is very close to saintliness. In fact, I can see no boundary between them. All the more sorrow that Western spirituality has ripped the two apart, making lovers and saints separate species in the human kingdom . . . In summary, surrender brings to love the experience of the timeless. It brings the loss of ego. It brings entry into the world of mysteries, which unfolds as the home of the beloved, but then is revealed as a place open to everyone who is capable of non-attachment.”