This little book will be a help to many because surviving the death of a spouse is one of the most common painful experiences human beings share. It is also an experience we’re usually unprepared for.
Greer is a United Methodist minister and trained pastoral counselor with many decades of practice on the counselor side, who recently faced his own need for counseling when his wife of fifty years died. The opening scene is a family gathering for Thanksgiving dinner, for the first time without their beloved spouse, children, and grandchildren. At day’s end, when everyone else leaves to go, Ronald writes: “The house had never felt so empty. The tears came before I got to the end of the hall…. The raw sadness of walking back into our house alone was nearly unbearable…. Never had I felt so alone.”
For those blessed to have had a profound personal relationship, a companion for many years, to lose this is a terrible pain. And at a time when friends don’t know what to say and often say unhelpful things, a guide in the form of a book can be the best remedy. This is that sort of book.
Greer tells us also about having faced grief decades earlier when their young son died. But he makes clear that this book is written specifically for those who have lost a spouse. “The death of a spouse is a different loss,” he says, and then adds: “This writing is not really about death and dying so much as it is about life and living on.”
Each short chapter is hopeful, and includes small bits of psychological wisdom. Also, note: This is also a book of Christian wisdom and spirituality; it may not be the right choice for you if yours is another religious or spiritual path.
Greer is a gentle companion. He moves slowly and encourages his fellow grievers to move slowly and listen to their heart as to what they need. This sample, at the conclusion of a two-page chapter called “Recalibrating” communicates this well: “I no longer have the joy of her physical presence, though I relish how her spirit goes with me. I am recalibrating to a new life. I am happy most mornings as I experience life from a different place, from this new vantage point. My sense of well-being comes from this new foundation. As they say, I have reset my default position.”
Try a Spiritual Practice on Nurturing
Go Deeper:
Learning to Accept Grief as a Lifelong Companion: An E-Course on recalibrating and building resilience so we are better able to hold our sorrow.
