We have all been told in countless ways that we are unique and valuable, yet the message doesn't get through. We fumble when complimented; we shy away from nurturing ourselves because we feel that we don't deserve it; and we sabotage our attempts to be compassionate with ourselves. Daphne Rose Kingma, a psychotherapist for 25 years, has helped many individuals and couples improve their relationships. In this handy volume, she turns her attention to the love of self.

Self-love is not narcissism, says Kingma. She takes a hard look at the blocks that prevent us from taking good care of our bodies, minds, and souls, including self-criticism, self-blame, self-deprecation, self-doubt, self-deprivation, self-destructiveness, and self-pity. All stem from bad self-esteem and can be rectified.

The four steps to loving yourself are speaking out, acting out, clearing out, and setting out. These can be applied to all arenas of our lives — how we take care of our bodies; our relationships with colleagues, friends and family; the ways we bring our creativity to fruition; and how we pursue our life dreams or chosen careers. Living with self-compassion means consciously making choices that will sustain us in this busy world. It means nurturing ourselves with mini-Sabbaths, retreats, or whatever it takes. As Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg states: "One must endeavor to love oneself abundantly."