"Some people are born with a knack for faith. They're not afraid of permanence. They're right at home with it."
— Joline in Committed

Marriage for many of us is one of the last places in contemporary life where our faith, our commitment, and our spiritual resiliency can flourish and bloom. Joline, the lead character in this delightful comedy, is a true believer in marriage who is sorely tested by her husband and challenged by her friends and changing circumstances. (For our review of the film and a plot synopsis, click here.)

Joline's story is ripe for discussion by those in committed relationships and those who are not. Often our attitudes toward keeping our vows hinder or help our behavior in other areas of our lives. The following discussion questions explore key themes of the movie and ask you to relate them to experiences in your own life.

Committed runs 98 minutes and is rated R for language.

1. COMMITMENT

"Commitment is our unique human power to stand up against the whims of fate and circumstance," writes theologian Lewis Smedes in Caring & Commitment. "It ranks alongside of, maybe even above, the other noble faculties that civilized human beings applaud themselves for having -- intelligence, great feeling, and imagination."

  • What is your first impression of Joline and her deep commitment to marriage?
  • Where does commitment stand in your private pantheon of virtues? Name one commitment about which that you intend to be unwavering.

2. MARRIAGE VOWS

In Thornton Wilder's play The Skin of Your Teeth, Maggie says to her husband: "I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise . . . that promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage."

  • At what point in the story does Joline's commitment to her marital promise begin to move into the arena of extraordinary? What is your attitude toward individuals who are willing to go to any means to save a troubled relationship?
  • What is your understanding of marriage vows?

3. PROMISES

"Without being bound to the fulfillment of our promises, we would never be able to keep our identities; we would be condemned to wander helplessly and without direction in the darkness of each person's lonely heart, caught in its contradictions and equivocations," historian Hannah Ar endt observed.

  • Talk about how some of the other characters in the drama view Joline's commitment to her word. Do you identify with any of their arguments? Why?
  • What do you think are some of the major obstacles to keeping and maintaining promises in our society? Why do some people fear commitments? What religious or ethical counsel has been especially helpful in strengthening your resolve to stand by your word when it is given to a loved one, a family member, a friend, or a business associate?

Joline

4. SPIRITUALITY

"When we expand our awareness, strengthen our center, clarify our purpose, transform our inner demons, develop our will, and make conscious choices, we are moving toward deeper connection with our spiritual self," psychotherapist Molly Young Brown has written.

  • What does Carmen mean when she refers to Joline as a "spiritual person"? Which of the kinds of spiritual movements described above does she exhibit? Share your reactions to Joline's relationship with Grampy, the Mexican shaman. What does he see in her?
  • Have you experienced one of these aspects of spiritual growth? When and how?

5. THE NEW WILDERNESS OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

"Those of us who are struggling with questions of love and commitment today are pioneers in territory that has never before been consciously explored. It is important to realize just how new this situation is, so we do not blame ourselves for the difficulties we face in our relationships," John Welwood observes in Toward a Psychology of Awakening. "In former times, if people wanted to explore the deeper mysteries of life, they would often enter a monastery or hermitage far away from conventional family ties. For many of us today, however, intimate relationship has become the new wilderness that brings us face to face with all our gods and demons. It is calling on us to free ourselves from old habits and blind spots, and to develop the full range of our powers, sensitivities, and depths as human beings -- right in the middle of everyday life."

  • Discuss your reaction to Carl's explanation of why he no longer loves Joline.
  • What gods and demons have you faced in your experiences of intimate relationships?

Joline

6. LOVE: YOUR LIFE GIVEN BACK TO YOU

"Love," Laurie Colwin writes in one of her novels, "even if it was doomed, gave you a renewed sense of things; it did hand your life back to you."

  • What finally convinces Joline that she has done all she can to save her marriage to Carl? Discuss the ways this character changes as a result of her journey to El Paso.
  • Share a story of your own or of another person that illustrates the truth that there is a life after the death of a commitment.

7. ZEAL

"Zeal, 'the burning point,' in Greek has to do with caring enough about something to have made being born worthwhile. Without it, life is, at best, time spent between a useless beginning and a futile end. To live without believing in something enough to spend a life for it is dull existence," Benedictine sister Joan Chittister notes in The Illuminated Life.

  • Has this film influenced your attitude toward zealots? In what ways?
  • What are you zealous about? What is the "burning point" in your life?

This guide is one in a series of more than 200 Values & Visions Guides written by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat. Text Copyright © 2000 by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat. Photos by John P. Johnson courtesy of Miramax Films. This guide is posted as a service to visitors to www.SpiritualityandPractice.com. It may not be photocopied, reprinted, or distributed electronically without permission from Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat. For a list of other guides in the Values & Visions series and ordering information, email your name and mailing address to Mary Ann Brussat.