1. Determine if the needs being met are out of balance….
Picture the scales of justice in your mind’s eye. The two plates, balanced, one on each side, are usually held by Lady Justice (or Justitia, the Roman goddess). They symbolize giving, fair, objective consideration of all evidence, without showing bias one way or the other….
Imagine the other person has one plate. You have one plate. If the other person is talking, talking, talking (or doing all the deciding), and you’re not having a chance to comment or contribute, that scale of needs is out of tilt. Their needs are being met, yours aren’t.
In this case, it’s not selfish to interrupt and diplomatically bring this monologue to a close – it’s smart. It is your right and responsibility to bring the scale of needs back in balance so both people’s needs are being met instead of just those of one person who is monopolizing and monologuing.
2. Interrupt by saying their name…. When people hear their name, they pause, which gives you a chance to get your verbal foot in the door.
3. Summarize what they said…. If you paraphrase what they said, they’ll feel heard and know that you get the gist of what they’re trying to get across.
4. Wrap up with “As soon as …” or “I wish …” If there’s action to be taken, say, “As soon as we hang up, I’m going to get in touch with….”
If they’re going on and on because they like to hear themselves talk, or because they’re truly upset and appreciate your sympathetic ear, segue into “I wish”: “Jose, I wish I had more time to go into this, and I have a staff training right now. Can you please confirm your email and I’ll get back with an update after I investigate further?” Using the words I wish softens the fact that you’re curtailing the conversation.
5. Finish with finality and a friendly phrase. Friendly phrases such as “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention” and “I look forward to reconnecting tomorrow” offset any perception of abruptness. Make sure your voice ends with warm, downward inflection. If you wrap up with a tentative “OK?” you just threw the conversational ball right back in their court....
6. Use body language to diplomatically disengage. If the other person simply won’t stop talking, it’s time to be more assertive. Stand up from your chair or take a few steps backward to tangibly say, “This discussion is over.” … Be sure to maintain eye contact so they don’t feel you’re turning your back on them. Say something like “Good to see you again,” so they don’t feel you’re just walking away. Reference your next obligation: “That training’s going to start in five minutes. I better grab my notes so I can get there on time,” so they don’t feel abandoned.
7. Give a heads-up of your hard stop. Give advance notice of how much time you (or the group) have left. Use language like “Tara, heads-up that I’ve got a client call on the hour so we have ten minutes left to clarify next steps.” … If someone is derailing the agenda by talking more than their fair share, say, “Francesco, we have twenty minutes left and three items left on our agenda; let’s move on.”
— Sam Horn in Talking on Eggshells