This book published the first week of January when there is always a flood of books, advice columns and podcasts, radio and TV interviews focused on what the media call “New year, new you.” As the calendar turns to another year, we’re all supposed to focus on resolutions and how to do better this time around.
Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, says stop. She is writing to every extreme self-critic out there, and there are millions. “All of us are hard on ourselves here,” she says of her audiences. Her message is: If you have perfectionist tendencies, cease the endless cycle of self-criticism and setting ever more demanding standards. The cycle typically includes “temporarily meeting standards,” plus some avoidance techniques, then “failing to meet standards” followed by another reappraisal and more self-criticism.
Instead Hendriksen advocates for “seven shifts” which form Part Two of her book. These are “From Self-Criticism to Kindness,” “Coming Home to Your Life,” “From Rules to Flexibility,” “Mistakes: From Holding On to Letting Go,” “From Procrastination to Productivity,” “From Comparison to Contentment,” and “From Control to Authenticity.”
She fills the book with references to studies conducted at universities, advice of psychiatry professors, anecdotes from patients’ stories, and findings in scholarly psychology journals — but she does all this with a light touch. She knows how to communicate conversationally, how to give advice without condescending, and how to also pass along hope.
