"Lightning is thought to be a celestial fire caused by a Greek god's flicking whip, or flashing mirrors manipulated by the Chinese goddess Tien Mu, or stone axes hurled down from the clouds. The image of lightning occurs in all cultures as an emblem of power, chance, providence, and destiny, or as the piercing light that reveals divinity. For Tibetans it is associated with the Vajra, both phallus and sword representing the diamond-cutting clarity with which we transpierce self-delusion, preconception, and neurotic fear. Fire represents male energy, whatever is yan—powerful and phallic—while water is yin and female.

"Takashi, the farmer-monk from southern Japan who visited me at the beach house, said, 'You have always been so strong. Now it is time to learn about being weak. This is necessary for you.'

"How could I grow strong by becoming weak, I asked. I was being purposefully naïve. What he was asking for was balance. Health cannot be accomplished any other way. I pondered the dampening of this forceful energy, which had always welled up inside me. How does one do such a thing and not ask for death in the process? But that was the point: I didn't have to do anything. There was still a lot I had to learn about getting well."