According to writer Merle Shain, "Friends are people who help you be more yourself, more the person you were intended to be." They provide the nutrients to enable you to bloom in all your distinctive glory. But some friends feign allegiance while actually standing in the way of your development. They either take up all the light or sabotage your growth in a hundred little ways. The residue of this odd brand of friendship is bittersweet. We remember the closeness that first brought us together but are gradually drained by all the letdowns and betrayals. This shadow side of this relationship is vividly conveyed in Me Without You, an English film about a 30-year friendship between two women.
In 1973, Marina and Holly, next-door neighbors, make a vow to be true to each other as bossom-buddies. They are as different as two girls can be. Marina lives with her trendy mother (Trudie Styler), a pill popping former croupier who is separated from her husband. Holly's Jewish parents (Allan Corduner, Deborah Findlay) are sober and serious individuals who encourage their daughter's bookishness. Early in their friendship, Holly develops a crush on Marina's older brother Nat.
In 1978, the two teenagers crash a party where Nat (Oliver Milburn) and his friends are experimenting with drugs. While his girlfriend is absent, Molly acts upon her sexual attraction for him. This secret between them is the first of many that will tarnish the friendship between the girls.
While attending Sussex University in 1982, Molly falls for Daniel (Kyle MacLachlan), a literature tutor who enjoys her enthusiasm for ideas and literature. They begin a sexual relationship. But the very competitive Marina begins to also see him secretly on the side. It ends badly for both young women.
In this interesting follow-up to The Governess (1999), co-writer and director Sandra Goldbacher shows how difficult it is to maintain a long-term friendship. Although Marina is the more aggressive and outgoing of the two, she is actually too dependent upon Molly. As she remarks during one of their spats: "I don't know who I am without you." Over the years, Molly tries to bear up under the criticism and the betrayals of her friend but eventually feels that their friendship is bad for her soul. When Marina marries a Jewish doctor and has children, she's still unhappy. Meanwhile, Nat reappears in Molly's life bearing some new surprises.
Many movies over the years have focused on women friends: Beaches, Fried Green Tomatoes, Thelma and Louise, Career Girls, and Walking and Talking. Each sheds some light of the enduring and often mysterious bonds between women that endure despite differences in personality, goals, and life choices. This one stands out for spotlighting the times when it's healthier to walk away from a parasitic relationship that is sucking the life out of you in the name of closeness.
