T – is it True?
H – is it helpful?
I – is it Inspiring?
N – is it Necessary?
K – is it Kind?
-- Poster in Many School Classrooms (Originator Unknown)
Hopefully, next time we’re tempted to unload on someone, even if everyone else is, we choose to T.H.I.N.K. before we speak (as suggested above) and ask ourselves these questions:
- Could I have done any better?
- Is there context I’m not taking into account?
- Would I say this to this person’s face or to someone who cares about them? (Is this a form of “anonymous” bullying, and I’m doing it because there’s no risk?)
- Will this undo what happened? (If not, it serves no good purpose.)
- Am I trying to make myself feel tall by making this person small? (Am I putting this person down so I can be “on top” and feel superior?)
- Have I ever made a mistake I regret? (if so, could I give this person some grace and choose to commiserate with them instead of have contempt for them?)
The world doesn’t need more snark – it needs more compassion.
Snark can become a habit, a bad habit. The good news is, compassion can also become a habit. May these tips help you hold others accountable if they make a false accusation about you, and may they help you hold yourself accountable for not doing this to others.
— Sam Horn in Talking on Eggshells