Can you think of any roles you currently fulfill that you never asked for? These could be roles you’ve been assigned just because people assume you’ll do them, roles you went along with to avoid rejection, or roles you adopted in the past as an act of self-preservation.
Based on your responses above, design a Reclamation Desk Plate using these prompts:
I am not a __________________; I am a ___________________.
This is how I want to show up in the world.
This relationship between roles, self-worth and boundaries has intrigued and inspired me so much over the past year. My friend Kerry and I routinely talk about the progress we are making in this area. During one such conversation, Kerry described a groundbreaking moment of awareness. She has graciously given me permission to share.
Kerry’s role in her dysfunctional family of origin was to take care of everyone at the drop of a hat. In her forties Kerry realized she had assumed the role of caretaker in most of her relationships. Continuing this role in adulthood and carrying it over into other relationships was causing self-betrayal, lack of boundaries, exhaustion, guilt, and pain.
With this awareness, Kerry knew it was time to release herself from this role. During a series of meditative sessions with her internal caretaker/peacemaker, she was able to say, “You serve me well, but I don’t need you anymore. You can go now.”
I think of this powerful role release example whenever my recovering People-Pleaser steps in. I gently say to myself, “I know you are trying to protect me from being rejected by this person, but I am choosing not to reject myself instead.”
My friend Diane tells me that she has begun saying to her recovering Conformist, “I don’t have to go along. I have the power to do what is best for me.”
In these examples of releasing roles that no longer serve us, we gain opportunities to invest in new, meaningful roles. So, rather than spending your precious time and energy in the land of resentment, depletion, or bitterness, you can begin thriving in the areas of self-worth and inner-peace.
— Rachel Macy Stafford in Soul Shift