"The Work says that, before we started the Work, we thought our friends were the people who helped us. They may have helped us move, they may have come to us in times of need, listened to our stories, laughed at our jokes.

"However, the Work says that the people who can really help us are those whom we do not like. We can wonder, from a Work point of view, 'Why is it that I don't like those people? Why are my feelings about them so negative?'

"The Work also offers a tool for exploring these kind of questions, a tool called 'external considering,' and there are different ways to practice it.

"One way is to observe a person you do not like and try to find a similar state within yourself. Imagine yourself in the shoes of that person and search for a time when you felt that way, looked that way, or spoke that way. If you see that person doing something that you feel you would never do, look for it in yourself. Look for something similar, a like emotion, thought, or habit, that perhaps expresses itself in a different way. Your dislike is showing you something about yourself. It is a mirror for you.

"Other people who can do a lot for you are those people who dislike you. You might wonder why they dislike you. What is it about you that they find objectionable? How could it be? What is the nugget of truth within their disliking you?

"Another form of external considering involves trying to experience yourself from someone else's point of view. This is far more difficult than trying to recognize another person's state within yourself. However, to vividly imagine another person's experience of you as objectionable and to see the dark side of yourself without your usual justification or rationalization are amazing experiences. Imagine what it feels like to experience you from your five-year-old's or your teenager's point of view or your boss's point of view. Try experiencing yourself from the viewpoint of the guy who just beeped his horn at you because you didn't start or stop fast enough.

By practicing 'external considering,' you can broaden your picture of who you are. And when you take the time and make the effort to Work, you will find that your negative state will become passive."