"Why do we hesitate? Maybe we'll feel stupid or embarrassed when situations don't play out the way we want them to. Maybe we'll be losers. But the Buddha taught that there are no losers. Not a single one of us, even on our worst saggy, fat, love-handled, pizza-bellied, bad-breath days is a loser. We are, each of us, Buddha. All the time. As such, we need to transcend hesitation. When we do, all sorts of wonderful surprises head our way.
"Years ago a friend of mine asked me to sit on a panel on diversity for incoming students of the MBA program in one of this country's top three business schools. Because he was my friend, I said yes and promptly forgot all about the promise.
"A week before the event he called me to remind me.
" 'What should I talk about?' I asked.
"Anything that'll help a business student be more skillful in the world of business, he told me. I decided to talk about a surprise teaching I got from my Zen teacher at my ordination. When we were ordained in the Maitreya Buddhist Seminary in Toronto, the final rite of passage was to receive personal advice from the Zen masters witnessing the ordination. Most of the advice given to me was predictable: aphorisms like 'Be grateful' or 'Remember how lucky you are' or straightforward advice like 'Please take your role as a teacher seriously.' All sweet, forgettable words. When I got to Sunim, the last person in the lineup, he said to me, 'Learn to lose.'
"In an instant I knew he had given me the best advice of my lifetime. I needed to let go of my opinions and preconceived notions so I could be completely free to respond to whatever was happening in any situation. By learning to lose, I would see more clearly, to everyone's benefit, because I wouldn't be tangled up in the person I call 'me.' For example, I would know whether to stay and argue or to recognize that a conversation was over and it was time to walk away. Sunim promised me that by learning to lose, I would be able to do these things without getting too caught up in wanting to control outcomes. I would pay better attention to my own behavior. Was I listening? Was I being kind? Generous? Clear? By learning to lose, I would be better able to see what was really going on for the other person or people. Was she really angry or just scared? Was he done talking or just too frustrated to stay in the conversation? I wouldn't take difficult situations personally. This was a huge gift since I have historically been very good at taking just about anything personally, including the weather. When I learned to lose, what I needed to do would always be clear, wise, and skillful. It would be the right thing to do."
