"Joy is . . .

• Being centered and feeling whole as I go about my day.
• A peaceful existence.
• Something that makes my heart lighter or makes me smile to myself.
• A commitment to smile, a love of life no matter what.
• Total happiness and peace. Fulfillment.
• Things that give me a sense of peace and delight.
• A glimpse of happiness, if only for a short period of time. A powerful, peaceful feeling within the very core of my soul that makes everything feel right . .  like I'm on the right path.
• Having a sense of wonder in the world, feeling humbled and confident/proud at the same time, carrying a bold sense of purpose and commitment to the world.

"People described a feeling that was more about being than doing, a combination of peace, happiness, and wholeness with a deep, centered quality. It had a sense of power, but with a feeling of contentment and fulfillment at the same time. As I read through the quotes I could see it had a place of its own, but I wasn't sure how to distinguish it from happiness. Seligman's gratitudes didn't capture the depth, and happiness was clearly too highly associated with the external, temporary experiences.

"You probably have heard how Eskimos have lots of words to distinguish the different types of snow, and that Native Americans have many words to distinguish the various kinds of rain and wind. Unfortunately, we don't have many distinct words in the English language for joy, so the possibilities are limited.

"I went back to my bookshelf to look further. I pulled out Rachel Remen's Kitchen Table Wisdom, a beautiful book about her work with cancer patients and the amazing insights she had in working with them. One passage in particular caught my eye:

"I am surprised to have found a sort of willingness to show up for whatever life may offer and meet with it rather than wishing to edit and change the inevitable . . . When people begin to take such an attitude they seem to become intensely alive, intensely present . . . From such people I have learned a new definition of the word 'joy.' I had thought joy to be rather synonymous with happiness, but it seems now to be far less vulnerable than happiness. Joy seems to be a part of an unconditional wish to live, not holding back because life may not meet our preferences and expectations. Joy seems to be a function of the willingness to accept the whole, and to show up to meet with whatever is there . . . It is the lover drunk with the opportunity to love despite the possibility of loss, the player for whom playing has become more important than winning or losing . . . Joy seems more closely related to aliveness than to happiness.

"That was it. I found my word and the word was joy. It more fully captures the depth of the participants' experience than what we typically attribute to the word happiness. As I mentioned in the introduction, I interchange happiness and joy throughout the book, for variety even though I see them as distinct. I struggled quite a bit with this decision, because it seems like I'm reinforcing the overlap of the very words I'm trying to distinguish. But in the end ease of reading won out over exact terminology, even in the title.

"Another thing I love in Rachel Remen's passage above is the notion of aliveness rather than happiness as a synonym for joy. There was one person in the study who picked up on the connection between aliveness and joy:

"Being alive is great — to me that's not just happiness, that is joy. Ask yourself, 'What could I do today to be more alive? Really alive?' People don't picture themselves in the business of being alive. . . . It's not something a lot of people consider or even think about. People talk about going through their lives, but they're not conscious. They don't recognize the experience they are getting, but more importantly, giving. It's always better to give than receive. I'm giving experiences as well as getting them. The question is 'What are you giving?'

"He also adds an interesting twist by looking at how we give — I can't think of a better thing to give than a joyful outlook. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.' While we can't control others, the greatest influence we have is who we are in their presence. As Emerson suggests, people learn from what we do and not what we say. We are always giving ourselves to others, whether we are aware of it or not. If we are being joy, we are giving it.

"When we detach from outcomes and look for the beauty in simple moments, we find a deeper, more permanent source of internal joy that is distinct from external happiness. As we step into this place we become more alive, and we light the way for others to do the same. Is there a more valuable undertaking in all the world? I wonder if that's what Thomas Aquinas was thinking when he said, 'Joy is the human's noblest act.' Really, now, can you think of anything more important?"