"Dying people are often interested in reflecting with others on what will happen during the actual dying process. For most people, the dying process itself is an unknown, something that is not discussed in daily life and that remains hidden from view in our culture. A dying person often wants to know: What will happen? How will it feel? What will it look like? Many times, when it has seemed to be useful, I have spoken about the teachings from the Tibetan tradition on what is known as the dissolution of the elements — the process the body goes through as it gradually shuts down during the various stages of dying, and the corresponding process experienced by the mind as it withdraws to more and more subtle levels of consciousness before finally leaving the body. I have found that a discussion such as this can help to settle fear in the mind and be of benefit in preparing for the dying process, both for the dying person and also for his or her family and caregivers.

"When talking about preparation for death, I often use a well-known analogy of the movement of a wave coming to shore. Once the wave has started to build, there is nothing you can do to stop the momentum. You can stand there with your arms up trying to hold it back, but you may end up being dumped on the sand or rocks. Or you dive into the wave, and learn how to surf it into shore. I have met people who have surfed the wave beautifully, preparing for death with acceptance and honesty, physically, emotionally, and spiritually — facing both the expected and unexpected challenges as they arise. These people inspire me. Then there are those who try to hold the wave back. They challenge me to remain present with the tear, grief, and intensity of emotion surrounding dying, and with the physical discomfort and suffering that can also occur. It reinforces the need for me to practice more deeply and to face the realities of death, including my own death, with greater honesty and awareness.

"Working in the area of death and dying has been a great blessing in my life. There is something extraordinary and very moving in being with someone during his or her last days, when the possibility of a deeper and more subtle connection is present. Sometimes with moments of silence, sometimes with prayer or meditation, sometimes with laughter or deep sadness, our connectedness and shared humanity emerges."