"Joy lifts the sternum and brow, opens the arms and eyes, lifts the head and step, loosens the jaw and belly, and ultimately causes the entire body to soften and expand. It breathes us open, loose, easy. No wonder we so persistently seek it and so highly value it!

Types of Joy

"Million-dollar moments can certainly catalyze joy: winning the lottery, getting a yearned-for job, unexpectedly completing a marathon. Such moments lead to situational joy — joy that is dependent on certain events taking place — but joy can also arise when outer circumstances are unpleasant or uneasy. The deepest joy — nonsituational joy — does not depend on outer circumstances. It is found not in having, but in being.

"Almost all of what we refer to as joy is situational joy, based on the occurrence of specific events; this inevitably casts a shadow on our joy (a shadow initially obscured by our joy's brightness), given that the event or conditions that generate and coexist with our joy may be gone or altered in a very short time; they're beyond our control. So in situational joy we're on unstable ground, our very celebration tainted by the impermanent, often fleeting and fluxing nature of its originating factors — along with the recognition that our usual patterns are still intact despite the reality of what's brought us joy.

"Nonsituational joy, on the other hand, carries no such shadow given that it does not rely on the arising of particular conditions. It is the joy of simply being, regardless of our circumstances or mood, achieved by ceasing to turn away from life and developing intimacy with all that constitutes us. It has nothing to do with what we have or are getting and everything to do with what we are.

"There is another kind of joy that could be called realizational joy. By this, I mean the joy that arises when we have achieved something very significant and recognize it as such without any egoic inflation. For example, we've worked hard — very hard — to reach a certain capacity in our vocation and now have clearly done so. There is no mistaking that we have arrived at this place in our work and are now established there. The joy that arises from this depended — not depends, but depended — on certain conditions being met and now remains, usually as a kind of emotional background or backdrop, as we proceed, having already arrived at a deeper stage of our work.

"Situational joy can be selfish or me-centered — or unhealthy, as when it arises at the expense of others' well-being. But it can also be we-centered, as in the elated/generous sharing of bounty or good fortune with others. And sometimes the contagiousness and open-heartedness of such joy can stretch it into a bigger, far more expansive sense of we-centeredness, as exemplified by the Buddhist practice of mudita, a Pali and Sanskrit term meaning 'sympathetic joy,' a joy readily felt when others succeed or do well. Practicing mudita means, in part, meeting those aspects of ourselves that don't wish others well; it necessitates deepening our knowing of ourselves in more than just intellectual ways. As such, the practice of mudita helps pave the way toward recognizing our innate or nonsituational happiness.

"And doing our inner and relational work, hard as it can be, has as one of its rewards the joy of knowing that all situations can be worked with, used to deepen and enrich us. This joy, the joy that comes from learning how to keep our heart open during dark times, constitutes true happiness, a core-level 'yes' that cannot be extinguished by the challenges of living and dying. . . .

Working with Joy

"How to work with already-present joy? Make room for it without clinging to it. Stay present with it, keeping as grounded as possible, appreciating but not losing yourself in its pleasurableness. Don't let it blind you to others' difficulties. Don't chain its arising to having/owning/keeping something in particular. And how to work with the absence of joy? Acknowledge what is actually occurring emotionally, and do whatever it takes to compassionately shift your awareness to the heart of that, however unpleasant doing so may be.

"If you want more joy, get as intimate as possible with all of your emotions, illuminating and honoring the basic energy of each one. There is a kind of joy that sooner or later emerges from such exploration, the joy of simply being present at the heart of whatever we are feeling. Such joy weeps as easily as it celebrates; its loss of face only deepens its presence. This is nonsituational joy at its best, the joy of being, the open-ended feeling of being. Not being this or that, but just being. An example of this is when we're feeling deep disappointment and are letting ourselves go to the core of our disappointment, dropping down into its painful landscape, and openly feeling its contractedness and hurt and perhaps some of its stark beauty. We cease resisting it; our desire to know it is stronger than our desire to distract ourselves from it. Then slowly but surely, a sobering joy starts to arise as we look at our disappointment through undreaming eyes — eyes for which disappointment is not disappointing.

Practice

Joy and Deeper Joy

"Remember a time when you felt total, unadulterated joy. Close your eyes, letting the details of that time come into focus. Whatever position your body was in at that time, assume that now as best you can. Let your mouth open a little more, and breathe more deeply. Turn your hands palms up, letting your fingers spread wider. Notice how you feel: your face, your throat, your chest and belly, the back of your neck, your feet. Notice what your mind is doing. No pressure. Feel your entire body softening and expanding. Now let the memory go, and bring your attention to your life as it is now.

"Start letting go of the notion that you can't be joyful if there isn't anything to be joyful about. No matter how hard or difficult your life is right now, speak out loud what you currently are grateful for — it could be as simple as gratitude for functioning eyes and ears, or for simply being here. A sobering joy is still joy. Again recall that time when you felt joy. Stay with it as you, at the same time, bring into your awareness your current circumstances, doing your best to let the two coexist. Don't measure the success of this by how much joy you feel, but by your capacity not to forget your inherent sense of well-being in the midst of difficult or otherwise challenging circumstances."