In order to develop character, we need sincere, honest reflection upon what is not working. This is the process of uncompromising self-assessment and self-confrontation: the willingness to face what is superfluous or fabricated within our nature.
Reflect upon the eight lies of Iktumi:
If only I were rich, then I would be happy.
If only I were famous, then I would be happy.
If only I could find the right person to marry, then I would be happy.
If only I had more friends, then I would be happy.
If only I were more attractive, then I would be happy.
If only I weren't physically handicapped in any way, then I would be happy.
If only someone close to me hadn't died, then I would be happy.
If only the world were a better place, then I would be happy.
Which of these eight lies have you been telling yourself, and for how long? What impact have they had on you, your work, and your loved ones?
— Angeles Arrien in The Second Half of Life