All the most intractable problems in human relationships can be traced back to what I call the mood of unlove — a deep suspicion most of us harbor within ourselves that we cannot be loved, or that we are not truly lovable, just for who we are. This basic insecurity makes it hard to trust in ourselves, in other people, or in life itself. . . .
Even caring and compassionate people often carry within them a fair share of unlove and righteous grievance, which can suddenly erupt under certain circumstances. . . .
What's worse, the mood of unlove has the power to repel, belittle, or sabotage whatever love is there.
— John Welwood, Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships