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His Holiness The Dalai Lama, The Path to Tranquility
To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else. Rather than speaking badly about people and in ways that will produce friction and unrest in their lives, we should practice a purer perception of them, and when we speak of others, speak of their good qualities.
If you find yourself slandering anybody, first imagine that your mouth is filled with excrement. It will break you of the habit quickly enough.
Speaking of the good qualities of others
Tibetan Proverb , Frederic Brussat's Twitter Collection
Honey is sweet to the mouth; proverb is music to the ear.
Proverbs are music to the ear
Rachel Naoml Remen, Kitchen Table Wisdom
A ninety-six-year-old woman may stop speaking because arteriosclerosis has damaged her brain, or she has become psychotic and she is no longer able to speak. But she may also have withdrawn into a space between the worlds, to contemplate what is next, to spread her sails and patiently wait to catch the light.
A ninety-six-year-old woman may stop speaking
Barbara Ann Kipfer, 201 Little Buddhist Reminders
I need great skill in listening. I choose to be open and accepting and mindful. I take time now to sit quietly and listen. I am committed to cultivating loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to and relieve the suffering of others.
I need great skill in listening
Kay Lindahl, The Sacred Art of Listening
"The word is born in silence, and silence is the deepest response to the word." These words from Catholic priest Henri Nouwen suggest that talking begins in silence, allowing us time to reflect. It is all too easy to say the first thing that comes to mind, rather than to look more deeply to see what is in the heart. Consciously being quiet and asking what wants to be said next is a discipline that yields wonderful fruit.
The word is born in silence
The Dhammapada , The Still Point Dhammapada
Pay attention to your intentions.
Control your body,
tongue,
and mind.
This is the restraint
of wisdom.
Pay attention to your intentions
The World's Celebrations
Expand your repertoire of seasonal rituals by observing some from other cultures. Mythologist Joseph Campbell once noted, “The celebrations of the world are a reverent part of the human heritage.” Celebrations Around the World: A Multicultural Handbook by Carol S. Angell outlines more than 300 festivals and religious holidays form Angola to Zimbabwe. Here are three examples.
January 11-13 is Makra Sankrant (Winter Festival) in India. Small silk bags containing sesame seeds mixed with sugar are offered to friends with the greeting “Eat this sweet sesame and speak sweetly to me,” an expression intended to assure there will be no quarreling in the year.
In Iran, No-Ruz, or the New Year, is celebrated on March 21-22. The family gathers in new clothes bought for the occasion around a table, which is decorated with a candle for each family member, fresh greens grown from wheat or lentil seeds, and a goldfish in a bowl. It’s believed that the goldfish will turn over in its bowl at the moment when the year begins. The touching Iranian film The White Balloon centers around a little girl’s efforts to get a special goldfish for the holiday.
September 12 is Respect for the Aged Day in Japan, a day to honor older relatives and family friends. It’s a good time to write letters to elders and visit them in their homes.
A catalyst for enriching your life with rituals from other cultures.
Kindness Offerings
The Buddha taught the virtue of making the "seven offerings that cost nothing." They are a compassionate eye, a smiling face, loving words, physical service, a warm heart, a seat, and lodging. Increase the number and frequency of your kindness offerings.
An appeal to do more kind acts.
The Three Gates of Right Speech
The Sufis capture this idea [of how to stand guard over the gate of the mouth] in a splendid metaphor. They advise us to speak only after our words have managed to issue through three gates.
At the first gate we ask ourselves, “Are these words true?” If so, let them pass on; if not, back they go.
At the second gate, we ask, “Are they necessary?” They [our words] may be true, but it doesn’t follow that they have to be uttered; they must serve some meaningful purpose. Do they clarify the situation or help someone? Or do they strike a discordant or irrelevant note?
At the last gate we ask, “Are they kind?” If we still feel we must speak out, we need to choose words that will be supportive and loving, not words that embarrass or wound another person. All of us understand what blows can do to someone, but we do not realize that words can create a more painful injury, one that can last for many years. Nor do we understand the terribly destructive impact words can have on the consciousness of the person who uses them.
Three questions that help us discern whether our words are worthy to share.
Finding Peace by Speaking Less
I once did an experiment that I found very beneficial toward understanding the importance of speech and its effect on the mind. As a kind of training, I decided that for a period of three months I would not speak about any third person. That is, I wouldn't speak to someone about someone else. I discovered several things from doing this. First, my mind became much less judgmental because I wasn't giving voice to the various judgments in my mind — even good ones. And as I judged others less, I found that I judged myself less as well. Second, I discovered in this experiment that about 90 percent of my speech was eliminated. This silence led to a lot more peace of mind. It was astonishing to see so clearly how much of the time our talk is about other people.
A fresh look at not gossiping.