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French Exit
French Exit showed at the 58th New York Film Festival in October, 2020. It will open in theaters on February 12, 2021.
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
– Anne Lamott
French Exit is an impeccable comedy of manners with quirky performances, a witty screenplay, and a melodic musical score. It is the kind of movie you want to see when you need something light and silly to perk up your exhausted emotions. But we must warn you -- behind the humor and the laughs, there is evidence of the bleak sadness and self-destructiveness that comes to those who get too wrapped up in themselves.
Frances (Michelle Pfeiffer) is a 65-year-old widow who has always had more money than she knew what to do with. She lives in a luxurious New York City apartment with her tight-lipped son Malcolm (Lucas Hedges) who has no job and has glided through life on the wings of familial wealth. Although Susan (Imogen Poots), his fiancé, truly cares for him, he is too frightened to tell his mother that he is engaged.
Years ago, Frances ruled New York's high society but marred her reputation by mishandling her husband Frank's death. Since then, she has been convinced that his spirit lives in Small Frank, their black cat. Facing insolvency, Frances takes the advice of her financial advisor and sells everything she has. At the last moment, Joan (Susan Coyne), a very generous friend, offers her vacant French apartment as a transitional place for the homeless Frances and her son to live.
"Count your night by stars not shadows; count your life with smiles, not tears."
— Italian Proverb
Azazel Jacobs directs this lively comedy that is based on a novel of the same title by Patrick DeWitt, who also wrote the screenplay. After their arrival in Paris, Frances and Malcolm, who had been living lives of seclusion and isolation in New York City, suddenly find themselves surrounded by a circle of oddballs as strange as they are. They include a shy private investigator (Isaach De Bankole), a psychic (Danielle Macdonald) who leads a séance, and the rival for Susan's affection (Daniel di Tomasso). Perhaps the most fascinating of these strangers is Mme. Reynard (Valerie Mahaffey), who was a huge fan of Frances in New York. Now she wines and dines with them and offers stories and insights about what she observed about Frances. Meanwhile, they all get engaged when Little Frank escapes the apartment to the streets of Paris.
We need more movies like French Exit that enable us to reverence outcasts and strangers like the ones who soon gather in Frances' apartment. Jacobs and DeWitt treat humor as a tool that enables us to see that laughter can foster empathy, kindness, and a generosity of spirit in our everyday lives. We also are thankful that this comedy of manners brings laughter into the difficult places of life, where we need something to help us cope and see past our differences.
French exit is a term that describes the act of leaving a social gathering or bad date without saying goodbye. Mark our words: You will not want to leave seeing this film without saying goodbye!
An impeccable comedy of manners full of quirky performances.
PRAY
God of justice and grace and mercy:
You have always called your people to be future-pulled, not past-driven.
You invite us to be co-creators in a world that is of your making.
You urge us to risk — even to fail, looking toward a future that is beyond our knowing.
So with humility we pray for guidance as we risk setting forth our best ideas, in full recognition that your future will always be marked by your love for the whole of creation.
So with humility we pray for the courage to follow your will and your way, knowing that you care for every child created in your image.
We walk familiar grounds,
Are touched by the beauty of this familiar place,
Almost surprise ourselves as we quietly —
with some embarrassment —
Declare our experiences spiritual.
So with humility we pray for a holy passion to claim minds and hearts as we move toward a future where success is measured by the finest in human values — a future of justice and mercy and love.
Finally, we are moved to pray for a kinder future for all who suffer, holding in our hearts all who face a future armed with faith alone.
We pray for ourselves, that we might never lose our urge to reach out beyond our own familiar borders.
So with gratitude and humility we receive the many gifts that have been entrusted to our safe keeping.
Teach us, Holy One, to share!
A prayer on seeing when success is measured in terms of justice, mercy and love.
Our Voting Companions
(Editor's Note: This reflection was written by Hannah Arin, an intern with The Practicing Democracy Project. It was first offered on October 12, 2018, at Pitzer College in Claremont, California, preceding a Voting Ritual. Please feel free to read it at your own event.)
As we gather here today to partake in the time-honored practice of ritual, I want to offer you all an idea to think about. This idea, while not necessarily directly about voting, speaks to the practice of democracy in a more subtle, yet all the while important way. I trust this will become illumined further as we go through the process of ritual together, but for now, I invite you to simply entertain the curiosity of what all this might have to do with voting.
I’d like to talk about companionship: the practice of unwaveringly holding space for the growth and actualization of those we’re given the chance to live, breath, walk, and love alongside. Consider the idea that the companions in our lives, perhaps the people standing alongside you even now, are rituals unto themselves. Just as we return again and again to the familiarity, the comfort, and ultimately the transformation of ritual to give us solace from the seeming chaos of our world, again and again we return to our companions, looking for that glimmer of knowing which lies behind the eyes of any loyal friend, a knowing which says, “Fear not! As you are, you are home.”
Our companions are the keepers of our common ritual ties to this Earth. No matter how far we might stray from our highest paths and the holy places of our hearts, no matter how long we may run from the intimacy of returning again and again to that one unavoidable truth that we are always being held, no matter the walls and dams we might erect around ourselves, or have erected around us unwarranted, our companions, if they are good companions, will seek us out. They will tear down those walls again and again, returning to the common ground beneath both sides of any blockade, reminding us of the power of ritual.
And what, I believe, makes our companions an especially powerful part of rituals, is that our companions are just as familiar as they are foreign, as comforting as they are challenging, as known as they are unknown. For the return is steady, the loyalty, unmoving, but the form the ritual takes is as vast and varied as each passing moment of this life.
Companionship, it seems, is actually all around. The air we breathe is our companion, filling us, letting us in on the secret we too often forget: that we are wanted here and now as we are: pain stricken or entranced in love. The smile of a stranger, the rush of wind, the cramp of a muscle, the sting of a broken heart, the still of a fresh death, the roar of a first kiss, all singing to us, over and over, “with me, with me, with me,” reminding us, as any good companion does, to return again and again to the ritual at hand. To be present with our most constant companion … that ceaseless, endless, unknowable presence of life itself.
You may be thinking, as I do all too often, “Well that’s all well and good, but when oppressive systems are in place, when life as it is is killing our people, raping our lands, and destroying the fabric of life itself, I don’t necessarily feel all too called to surrender to what is.” In other words, “I see no companion in sight.”
When we are caught in a stream of thought that feels like raging rapids -- thinking to ourselves things like, “If no one else wants to do anything, I’ll do it all by myself!” or “I haven’t the means to actually make a difference…” — we forget our companions … that they are there for us and us for them. We forget that perhaps it’s our turn to tear walls down and return ceaselessly to a place of open hands, — for our friends, our loved ones, perhaps the strangers we know not, and to life itself. What if all this chaos and unrest is truly just a call from our most loyal companion calling out to us, “I need you to come to me this time”?
I think of a conversation I read in the book Weaving The Dream, between Pomo Dreamer, Basket Weaver, and Medicine Woman Mabel McKay and her companion, writer Greg Sarris. The conversation starts with Mabel looking out over a dried September hill in Northern California, and just as her ancestors did, giving voice to the prophecies entrusted through her people, the words slipping from her mouth, “Everything’s going to burn… That’s what I see now… ‘Everything’s going to go dry,’ Spirit said. ‘No water going to be anywhere.’ ”
Greg Sarris fumbles for an answer to it all, well aware of the fulfilled prophecies which came before this woman through her people. He asks, “What can we do? How do we live?” Mabel laughs, and begins mocking Greg, of course in that loving sort of way only Greg himself can fully give voice to. Nonetheless, Greg persists, “No seriously… If the world’s going to dry up and burn, what do we do?” It was then Mabel turned to Greg, “took a moment to make sure she had [his] attention, then… answered plainly, ‘You live the best way you know how, what else?’
We are born into a world of ceaseless giving. We are always given experiences, given moments upon moments, But so often we fall into a state of passive receptivity, failing to witness the grandeur of the existence of any moment, failing to remember that life itself is constantly giving itself to us. We forget and we fear we are alone …
The next time you find yourself feeling that way — as if there is no ground, no familiarity, no ritual — the next time you find yourself mulling over what you can or can’t do, I ask that you take a moment to turn to your hands.
Open your palms and outstretch your limbs to life. Open to that place of humble, patient surrender, echoing the lullaby of life’s soft murmur, “with me, with me, with me.” Return to the ritual of life, of walking alongside the most mysterious, loyal companion this world has to offer. And there in that moment, remember: Together with life, be it person, plant, place, or even your own hands, a gift unto themselves, you are never walking alone. And as you feel more and more held by this unwavering support system see if you can’t continue, as Mabel says, to live the best way you know how.
A call to remember that we are never alone.
Where Should We Eat?
Okay. Let's express our gratitude for this. We live in a glorious world where we have many diverse choices available to us. This plenitude is sometimes mind-boggling, especially when we consider the limited and constricted lives of those who are poor or living under siege — homeless and hungry people, refugees, those in war-torn countries.
So why are we often irritated, frustrated, and exhausted by all the decisions we have to make even in the most common activities?
Take the question "Where should we eat?" It may be that you are planning a special occasion and have saved up for it. Or maybe you are out and about with your partner, friends, or business associates, and one of you suggests going to a restaurant.
You mention a hamburger place but someone says they had burgers at home the night before. Someone else recommends a Chinese restaurant, but that idea is shot down by those who claim that this cuisine doesn't fill them up.
The decision may hinge on whether or not there will be a long or short wait. No one likes to eat in a crowded restaurant or in a place that is so loud that conversation is nearly impossible. But it is hard to predict this in advance.
We have a modest suggestion. Try a few spiritual approaches to deciding where to go to eat.
Start by practicing empathy. See the food choices from the perspective of others in your group. Dieting, allergies, and being vegetarian can limit options. Be willing to honor the needs of others.
Pay attention to your food preferences and how flexible or inflexible they are. Be willing to let them go if they are too rigid. This is similar to not being attached to outcomes. Being neutral about your food preferences frees you from the tyranny of your desires.
Embrace serendipity. When all else fails, let the Spirit or the Divine Guest decide the place where you go to eat. Toss a coin. Close your eyes, turn around, and point to one restaurant in a row. Be sure to go with the flow when others are playful and willing to give things up to providence.
Look ahead and see yourself as pleased. Picture yourself after this meal as being satisfied and not hungry any more. Realize that no matter where you go, you can be at peace with the meal you eat.
Be open-minded about new places to eat. Try a cuisine from a different culture. Experiment with special dishes. Be bold and go to a place nobody else in your group has tried yet. The spiritual practice of hospitality often opens new doors for everyone!
When you make your choice on where to eat, be sure to ask yourself, how do the choices I have made impact the planet and its well-being and flourishing? After you make your choice, enjoy it and do not allow the opinions of others to impinge on your enjoyment of it.
Groucho Marx once quipped: "Man does not live by bread alone. Every now and then he needs a cookie." It's okay to admit that sweets bring you joy and delight. Take this dessert factor into consideration when selecting where you go to eat.
Honor the meal before and after you eat. Say a grace to acknowledge all that has happened to make it possible for you to enjoy this meal, starting with the plants and animals that were sacrificed to be your food. Where did your meal come from? What nurtured it? How did it get to you? This kind of thanks-giving can give meaning to the meal and create a closer connection with food. And when you do it regularly, it doesn't matter as much where you eat.
Keep a list of your favorite restaurants for those future times when you are trying to decide where to eat. People will be glad that you are willing to offer concrete suggestions. And remember that recommending a restaurant is an act of generosity not only to your friends but to all those who work there.
We hope these spiritual exercises or practices help you to contribute more wisely decisions about where to eat. As Donna Schaper reminds us in her book Sabbath Keeping, "Choices focus our lives. They monogram our towels. They sign our name to our life."
Ways to make wise choices when you have an opportunity to dine out.
How the Light Gets In
"What I want back is the common everyday walk in awareness of the presence of mystery. Mystery isn't always strange. What is strange is how seldom we see it, how seldom we hear it. Mystery is as common as the gravel road and the blackberry hanging ripe on a vine in August heat in my childhood; it does not have to be paid for by any particular belief. It doesn't go away. I'm the one who goes away. Walks away. Runs away. Crashes away. The mystery is as common as the beam of light, spruce-filtered, falling on the fifth step of the stair this morning in my house in Amherst, Massachusetts. It is the common, seen uncommonly. When we see, when we hear, when we intuit how much we are loved, it is the common that is uncommon. It is the ordinary that is the body of spirit, the physical presence of mystery. I think I was reaching for this understanding when I wrote this poem:
The Patience of Ordinary Things
It is a kind of love, is it not?
How the cup holds the tea,
How the chair stands sturdy and foursquare,
How the floor receives the bottoms of shoes
Or toes. How sales of feet know
Where they're supposed to be.
I've been thinking about the patience
Of ordinary things, how clothes
Wait respectfully in closets
And soap dries quietly in the dish,
And towels drink the wet
From the skin of the back.
And the lovely repetition of stairs.
And what is more generous than a window?
Pat Schneider on nothing being more generous than a window.
One City, Two Brothers
The father of two brothers has died and they begin a bitter dispute over which one of them should inherit the land. In the city of Jerusalem, King Solomon listens to their account and then tells them a story that has been passed down through the generations. It is set in a time long before any temple had been constructed in Jerusalem.
Two brothers have separate farms but harvest the crops equally. This co-operative venture works out well for each of them. The older brother marries and starts a family while the younger brother remains single.
Feeling abundantly blessed, the older brother secretly sets aside some extra sacks of grain for his brother. But he and his wife are surprised when they discover the same number of sacks of grain in their store house. It turns out that his younger brother has given him some of his grain to take care of his growing family.
The kindness and the generosity of the two brothers lays the foundations for the holy city of Jerusalem, home of Jews, Christians, and Muslims. Chris Smith has done a marvelous job in adapting this meaningful and deeply spiritual fable for children ages 4 - 8.
The stunning and fluid paintings by Aurelia Fronty add immeasurably to the drama and impact of One City, Two Brothers. A final note must be made about this children's book: it admirably salutes the medicinal powers of a well-told story that can bring people together and heal the wounds and warfare of the past with its vision of a peaceful future.
A deeply spiritual children's book about King Solomon and his fable about two generous brothers.
Physicians of the Heart
Reciting the 99 Names of God is a Sufi practice that goes back to the benefits accrued to the Prophet Muhammad when he originated this devotional practice. The number 99 is symbolic of an unlimited quantity and the Qur'an is the source for the definitions of the Names. Wali Ali Meyer was chosen by the other three authors to create this book, and he has done a masterful job blending their four voices together. This resource is also the result of a nine-year conversation about the names of God.
All the Names of God, according to the authors, are contained in Allah which is "presence, beyond all affirmation and negation." When we seek guidance, the other sacred Names of God provide healing wisdom. Here are some examples given in an abbreviated format:
• "Invocation of Ya Malik, Ya Malikal-Mulk is an antidote for all who feel abandoned and don't believe they belong anywhere."
• "Ya Mu'min is an antidote for hypocrisy. It is a remedy for those who only give lip service to their faith or who trust in Allah but lack fullness of heart."
• Ya 'Aziz is an important remedy for the common human experience of feeling undervalued and worthless."
• "Ya Shakur is an antidote for dissatisfaction with the falseness or incompleteness of the world."
Wali Ali Meyer and company also provide some substantive commentary on the Names of God, putting them in groups:
• Love's Mysteries
• Allah's Opposite Qualities
• The Family of Divine Forgiveness
• Modalities of Omnipotence
• Awakening to Infinite Presence
• The Matrix of Divine Protection
• The Secret of Ecstasy
• The Arc of Ascent and Descent
• God the Creator
• Temporal and Eternal Aspects of the Divine Nature
• The Names of Gratitude and the Gifts of God
• The Treasure House of Divine Generosity.
• The Family of Divine Abundance
• In Quest of Wisdom
• The Names of Guidance
Other sections cover the seven levels of the nafs or ego, dying to the false self, the quest for truth, and insights for the student on the path.
This bountiful Sufi work contains not only a rich and substantive stew of insights into the Names of God but also a smorgasbord of reflections and suggestions on self-growth and spiritual maturation. It is tailor-made for physicians of the heart who yearn to help others draw out the divine qualities within themselves. As Wali Ali Meyer and his co-writers put it:
"Every human being is born with many of these divine qualities intact, and everyone has the potential to develop the qualities that have not been realized. It is our God-given birthright of perfection."
Masterful, rich, and substantive meditations and insights into the Ninety-Nine Names of Allah.
The Way of the Traveler
"Once we begin to see travel as an inner journey, it is possible to turn every trip we take into a spiritual practice — a hero's adventure that enlivens our hearts and enlarges our souls. Travel becomes a spiritual experience for us when we are conscious at every moment that our physical transportation from place to place has a metaphysical counterpart. Understanding that, the road takes us inexorably to an encounter with the 'stranger' at the heart of the journey — the transformed self," writes Joseph Dispenza, an author, former monk, and co-founder of LifePath Retreats. This paperback is divided into five sections to emphasize the mythological elements of travel as an epic adventure. Dispenza also provides a series of journal prompts to make the most out of this journey.
In "The Call To Journey," Dispenza catches the heroic dimensions of the journey and challenges us to see — along with Lao Tzu — that we have no fixed plans but are pulled to a place. This opens us to the mysteries of the unknown and calls forth our courage and creativity. The author suggests setting up a travel shrine where we can put objects of significance for us that relate to the anticipated trip.
In "The Preparation" Dispenza provides a series of spiritual qualities that can serve as provisions for the journey such as cheerfulness, openness to change, flexibility, self-esteem, and generosity of Spirit. Next, he suggests we formulate goals for the journey, which are not the same as the reasons for the trip. He recommends formulating three simple goals, writing them on 3" x 5" cards and taping them inside a suitcase. Another preparatory step is to choose gifts to give to people we meet. Finally, we should make leaving our home for the journey a ceremonial event.
In "The Encounter" Dispenza challenges us to become aware of all that shows up on our way to our destination. Once we arrive, we are filled with wonder, and we practice being truly present to the strangers and the places we encounter. We give gifts and collect mementos in a spirit of give and take.
In "The Homecoming" we fondly recall the people and places we have encountered and bless the place where we have stayed for the next person. Upon arrival home, we can create a homecoming ritual at our travel shrine. As the novelist Pat Conroy puts it: "Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers. The mind can never break off from the journey."
Finally, in "Recounting the Tale," Dispenza advises us to gather the threads of the journey, display the treasures, and tell our stories.
A superb resource on travel as a spiritual journey with rituals, magical moments, and with people and places.
The Hidden Gifts of Helping
Stephen G. Post is professor of preventive medicine and director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care, and Bioethics at Stony Brook University. He is president of the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, established in 2001 with support of the philanthropist John Templeton and the Templeton Foundation. Post is the author of several books including Why Good Things Happen to Good People.
In this new uplifting work, the author uses his family's move from Ohio to their new home in New York as a way of illustrating the many ways in which transition, change, and mystery can signal a breakthrough to new possibilities. Post also sees the book as an exploration of the many benefits of helping others or, as he puts it, "a true companion and guide to the power of giving, forgiving, and compassion in hard times."
After living in Cleveland for 20 years, the author found it hard to adjust to a new place and unfamiliar people: he is overwhelmed by a sense of displacement and loss. But in the long term he learns that the ties of affection, good neighbors, and love itself are what constitute happiness. Post recovers his equilibrium by helping others. In a survey by the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, he discovers that people reap many rewards from doing good including greater longevity, lower rates of heart disease, improved mental and emotional health, and relief of stress and negative emotions. Volunteers who regularly serve others talk of a "helper's high" that comes with moving beyond self and putting others first. Post quotes John Templeton: "Every act of helping is a way of saying yes to life."
The challenge of service is to discover your hidden gift and then to give to those who need it most. It could be serving food to the homeless, or supporting a shelter for abused women, or regularly visiting shut-ins. Post believes that happiness arises from four elements that create a spiritual foundation: loving others, the presence of moral integrity, the ability to enjoy thankful simplicity, and staying true to your higher purpose. The author concludes with a strong affirmation of the art of hanging on to hope in these hard times:
"Hope is not simply the capacity to be optimistic; it is so much bigger than that. Hope leads us into the future with a deep trust that something good will come. It helps us keep going when we stumble, and gives us a vision to guide us in the face of adversity."
An uplifting exploration of the physical, psychological, and spiritual benefits of generosity, compassion, and hope.
The Book of Character
Camille Adams Helminski is cofounder and codirector of the Threshold Society, an educational foundation in the Mevelvi tradition based on the teachings of Rumi. She was the first woman to translate a substantial portion of the Qur'an into English in her book The Light of Dawn, and she is the author of Women of Sufism: A Hidden Treasure, Writings and Stories of Mystic Poets, Scholars & Saints.
Helminski has selected and edited the material in this anthology of writings on character and virtue mainly in the Islamic tradition. The Prophet Muhammad was once asked what was the best thing a Muslim could be given, and he responded: "Good character." He himself is a model of making the most out of what God had provided for him. His life and mission were played out against the backdrop of turbulent times. Johann von Goethe, the German writer, believed that "character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world." Helminski states that we also develop character by practicing and realizing the virtues.
Here are some of the virtues incarnated and made prominent by Muhammad's actions: he was considered to be completely trustworthy, a leader able to forgive rather than reap revenge, a person who had great compassion for the poor and the needy, and a great believer in justice. In addition to pieces on Saint Francis of Assisi and Mother Teresa which are illustrative of the spiritual practice of compassion, Helminski shares the following story:
"Nasr ibn Muhammad reports that Junayd related that there was a sheikh in Damascus called Abu Musa al-Qumasi who was a man of Futuwwah; everyone praised him. One day, the sheikh's house collapsed on top of him and his wife. When people began to dig in the ruins, they found his wife first. 'Leave me,' she said. 'Go and try to find the sheikh and save him. He was sitting in the corner over there.' They left the woman, dug where she had pointed, and found the sheik. 'Leave me,' he said. 'Go and save my wife.' Each wanted the other to be saved. This is the state of those who are together for the sake of Allah and who are friends and brothers in the name of Allah. They are in that compassionate state at all times."
The Book of Character contains many passages from the Qur'an as well as essays and selections from the writings of Martin Luther King, Jr, Confucius, Rumi, and many others. Among the most prized virtues that made up the character of Muhammad are patience, humility, purity, clarity, gratefulness, and contentment. Our favorite chapter is "Courtesy, Chivalry, and Noble Character." Helminski notes: "One of the central Muslim virtues, so apparent in the character of the Prophet Muhammad is courtesy (adab). This quality of courtesy or 'appropriate behavior' is sometimes said to emerge from the blending of love with humility." Adab emanates from a reverence for all life and a set of spiritual practices that emphasize kindness, putting others before oneself, hospitality, graciousness, and much more. Helminski defines the virtue of chivalry as "heroic generosity" and that is a quality that seems to be in short supply these days. The Prophet Muhammad said: 'I was sent in order to perfect noble character." To this day, Muslims are paying attention and practicing the virtues which he taught in word and deed.
An anthology of readings mostly on Islamic character and virtues