"Whenever I think of the value of acceptance, I think of my father, whose noble nature radiated the kind of dignity that needs no external support or exclusiveness. When he died, the unanimous testimony of the mourners at his funeral was that he had been one of 'God's true gentlemen.' People of all kinds and classes loved him because they knew he respected them and treated them with an unforced courtesy that was as spontaneous as his breathing.

"Whenever I am tempted to judge or grow angry and dismissive, I remember a conversation with my father on a train in India, where we lived at the time. We were traveling, just the two of us, to visit the ancient caves of Ajanta and Ellora; I was enormously excited to have him to myself, since he was often away and worked very hard. My father took the opportunity, as we ate curried chicken sandwiches and mangoes, to instruct me on what he believed to be the real value of life.

" 'What I want you to be always, my son, is a gentleman,' he said.

" 'What is a gentleman, Daddy?'

" 'There are four main signs of a gentleman, I think. Firstly, a gentleman is always courteous and respectful toward anyone, whoever they are and whatever their class or circumstances, because a gentleman knows that life changes and that tomorrow he may need someone's help.

" 'Secondly, a gentleman never criticizes anyone else's religion. Nearly all the violence in the world springs from people criticizing or mocking each other's religion; this is madness, Andrew. There is enough God for everyone and all paths are a way to God.

" 'Thirdly, unless he has to, a gentleman never confronts others with their faults; he spends his time examining himself and trying to change himself, not presuming to judge others who may be laboring under difficulties he cannot know or even suspect.'

" 'And what is the fourth sign, Daddy?'

" 'When people hurt him, a gentleman never returns hatred for hatred but strives to forgive and love his enemies, bearing always in his mind the example of our Lord Jesus.'

"Of the many wonderful things said about my father after his death, the one that most moved me came from a poor Indian gardener. He approached me one day with tears in his eyes and said, 'You are lucky to be your father's. God loved him because he accepted everyone.' "