"As the house lights rise, the question remains: to forgive or not to forgive. Within the framework of most discussions, this is more an answer than a question. The assumption within religious traditions and increasingly among social scientists is that you'd be crazy not to. In forgiveness lies the means of salvation and improved mental and cardiovascular health. Who in his or her right mind would deliberately choose not to forgive when those gifts are readily available? The 'answer,' therefore is to get with forgiveness. The 'question' is whether you will do it.

"Another assumption is that forgiveness is the only solution to the problem of clogged up resentment toward others and murderous schemes of revenge, and at least part of the solution to depression and hypertension. While such a conclusion is well justified by spiritual and moral teachings and many psychological studies, it doesn't cover all the means by which human beings appear to cope with anger and vengeful feelings. On the surface, at least, some people seem to live reasonably normal lives without forgiving others or asking to be pardoned for miserable things they've done to others. Perhaps one's approach to these matters is determined largely by upbringing and individual sensibilities. Genetics may tell us someday that some people are more prone to seek the forgiveness answer than others. Repression and denial are thought to be generally harmful (though Sigmund Freud thought civilization was made possible by them), but they have long been mechanisms for staving off the hunger for forgiveness. Nothing about this devalues the worth of forgiveness. It only suggests that it may not be a universal imperative.

"It's just a hunch, but I suspect most people die with at least a few unforgiveness arrows in their moral quivers. The point is whether we should try to divest ourselves of as many of them as possible before we meet that end.

"The case for forgiveness based on the spiritual-scientific findings is compelling. In deciding which way to go, we have raised several key concerns that can act as guides.

"First, do you consider forgiveness a strength or a weakness? Most societies, certainly America, regard it as soft; so if you choose to go ahead, be conscious that it is a rather counter-cultural thing to do. Maybe that's a good reason to do it. Forgiveness is the road not taken; but, as many wise people have reminded us over the centuries, the conventional road runs smack into a brick wall.

"Second, why would you want to do it? Maybe you believe it will help restore you to sanity or fortify your immune system. In other words, you see personal dividends. Or perhaps your faith tells you that Jesus or Allah or Yahweh or Buddha orders you to, or something to that effect. That is to say, your forgiving would contribute somehow to the fulfillment of the divine creation. You may be looking for rewards for yourself or looking for cosmic redemption. Some, without apology, want something better for themselves. Others are more altruistic. Motives make a difference. On the other hand, maybe you just cannot do it — and there may be good reasons not to.

"Third, what would you require to transact forgiveness? Does another person have to ask you for it? Do you need recompense? Do you ask nothing of the sort, granting it because a higher power has told you to? What kind of criteria would you set down? Is it enough to know that you'll be better off by doing it, or can't you envision being better off unless guilty ones pay some kind of price? If you're the guilty one, or if both you and the other are guilty, what standards would work there? Are you prepared to let go of anger — and have an idea what that means? Or do you still need more time to be angry? Forgiveness entails risk. Maybe you won't get what you want. Maybe you'll have to keep forgiving the same thing. Can you take that step into uncertainty? Are you ready to love your neighbor — actually?

"Finally, have you thought about where the power of forgiveness comes from? Is it generated within the psyche of the human being? Does it derive from an essence of the divine within everyone, known as the soul? Is it a mind game used to rid ourselves of haunting thoughts? How we define that source may not be decisive because it's possible to tap into strengths and powers within ourselves of which we are not always conscious, but it does help guide our direction in seeking forgiveness.

"Forgiveness has been elevated as 'divine' while erring is labeled 'human.' A rising chorus of witnesses propose that forgiveness might become more human for the sake of a better world.”