"What do we do to mitigate our shadow grief? A part of the answer lies in each of us. It is found in the pure soul God created in us, which remains tied to its Creator. Another source of comfort is the memory of the very people with whom we shared life-changing experiences. These memories become powerful reminders of what will always be important to us. The people we miss were those we counted on, learned from, and continue to love deeply. Yet another answer about how to mitigate shadow grief is found in a Rabbinic tale:
" 'The son of a rabbi mourned the death of his beloved father. Day after day, the son went to the cemetery and threw himself on the grave of his father. One day as the son gave way to fits of sorrow, his father appeared to him in a vision. His father said to him, "My son, do you think that you honor my memory with your grief? Offer me no tributes of tears. Build for me no monuments of sorrow. Do not weep for me. Live for me! Show your love by obedience to God's commandments, by devotion to faith, and by service to your fellow human beings. This," said his father, "is the memorial that truly honors the departed." After hearing these words, the son lifted himself from his father's grave, and went forth to make of his father's memory a perpetual light to guide him on paths of righteousness and truth.'
"The rabbi gave his son a gift when he told him to keep living by honoring his father's memory through his deeds. We can assume that the son left the cemetery to pursue life and to bring honor to his father by doing so. We, too, must fulfill the meaning of our life, enriched by the memories of those who have died. Our shadow grief may linger for years, but we cannot allow it to become a stumbling block to our life. Those who remember their loved ones do so with pictures they see in their home, with a memorial plaque in temple, and with regular contributions of time or resources that help others know how his or her memory still inspires us to do and be our best. All is not lost if we regard memory as the sacred gift that it is."
