"After I had been empowered as the future sakyong, my father shared some more essential instructions. He said, 'Be kind.' Then he gave me a big hug, and expressed how much he loved me. This was both a verbal and emotional transmission. He was saying to be kind, and through his physical gesture, he was also transmitting kindness, empathy, love, and gentleness, the enlightened qualities he wanted me to embody.
"Through my father's instruction, I began to see that kindness is more than a randomly experienced emotion, more than simply a social nicety. With the word kind, my father was pointing to an invisible highway of human connectivity that is paved by our longing to communicate. In this light, kind stems from kin, or 'family.' We are related through our kindness. It is empathy, the ability to feel what others feel. This is how we exchange with one another and the environment.
"My father, like many loving parents, would hold my hand in times of difficulty and challenge. He was teaching me to feel, showing me how just being with someone else is a powerful method of engendering kindness. That human contact allowed me to relax and feel my own strength and potential, opening my heart and letting its natural kindness flow forth.
"Ironically, in our speedy lifestyle, it is easy to forget to be kind even to ourselves. The emphasis on fulfilling our personal desires begins to overshadow the greater need to connect. We all have our dreams to fulfill, but in order to really fulfill them, we must realize that we are dependent on one another. Simply by having been born human, we are naturally part of society. Naturally, by being human, we are social creatures.
"One of the key elements in being kind is gentleness. Gentleness is nonaggression. The aggressive mind has a hard time being present, because it wants something else to be happening. Therefore it is always trying to manipulate or create a situation, and the tension of that self-involved struggle suppresses our ability to connect with the environment. If we can't be where we are, we can't feel. If we can't feel, we are unable to appreciate and care, and our most human trait — the yearning to connect — is confined. We are like a river that is meant to flow but has now been dammed.
"Although kindness is invisible, we know when it is present and when it is not. A society without high regard for simple human feelings is in jeopardy. Families dissolve when members are not willing to be kind, and children lack role models. Many may feel that kindness is impractical: It doesn't get us what we want; we have no time for it, or we have more important things to do. However, kindness is extremely practical, for it cuts through isolation, fear, and aggression. All of us can remember moments of kindness that changed our day, at least — and maybe our lives. When we relegate kindness to mere social courtesy, we are handicapping our access to the ambassador of love and compassion — deeply held powers of the human heart. If we want to continue to evolve, we should cultivate ordinary kindness. With kindness, we will shift our future.
"Human happiness is based not just upon individual gratification; the happiness of humans is directly associated with the ability to share. Often we are told that if we buy certain products, we will be happy; but if we are sitting by ourselves trying to enjoy our purchase, we are missing the essential ingredient. The reason we enjoy sharing and exchanging is their intimate connection to kindness and friendship. If humanity were not rooted in some fundamental healthiness, the innate desire to communicate would not be so linked with our own happiness — and thus, to our own survival. Enlightened society is like a communal heart that pulsates with kindness in order to keep us all connected."
