"Question 24
For some reason, my husband sometimes just goes into 'ignore' mode, refusing to reply to anything I say. What's the seed for getting the communication to flow between us?" . . .
"Maybe all of these events — maybe all of these branches — are all just really coming from one big main seed, down below them all. Maybe what happens in the morning doesn't cause what happens in the evening. Maybe they are both coming from a single older thing.
"And that's the point here in the Karma of Love. There are bigger and older seeds which are causing everything that happens to us throughout the day. Don't blame your husband, and don't blame your mattress. They are both coming from something further down, something that you yourself planted before.
"Now you can work on the seeds for not getting enough sleep, or you can work on the seeds for seeing someone refuse to talk to you. Learn to separate out all the different seeds contributing to a situation, and go at them one by one. Don't try to tackle them all; there are too many of them going on. Get in the habit of picking one and working on it until it's finished, then go on to the next one.
"Ultimately, all these seeds are connected, back in our original failure to understand where all the events were coming from. And that means that finishing off just one of our problem seeds already weakens all the others.
"You know the exercise by now. Let's work on the silence thing, because in a way that's worse than the not sleeping. (And now we know that one didn't necessarily cause the other; have you never spent all night out with companionable friends and enjoyed perfectly wonderful conversations over croissants and coffee the following morning?)
"The ancient books of Tibet make a big deal about answering people promptly and considerately, whether it's a question about what's for dinner, or where the universe came from.
"Make it a point then, for the next few weeks, to listen very carefully whenever someone asks you about anything, and be sure to respond with a thoughtful answer. We avoid some questions (and we're including emails and texts here) because to answer is difficult or demanding; we avoid other questions because they seem foolish, or uninteresting, to us. You can be sure though that — to the person asking a question — it is important, and deserves a good answer. . . .
"If you take the time to listen, you will find a grain of intelligence behind almost every question anyone ever asks you. Answer with grace, and your husband will stop the resentful silence thing — without being asked to, without any tension."
