"Things to Contemplate

• Do you force yourself to be Pollyanna -- positive at times when you need to make compassionate space for visits from negative emotions?

• Do you remind yourself often of your partner's positive qualities and contributions?

"Things to Do

• Avoid ruminating, particularly when you feel exhausted. Try to recognize catastrophic thoughts.

• Label your thoughts when you feel tired — 'late-night brain' or 'exhaustion brain' — as a reminder that your thoughts are troublemakers at such times.

• When tired, tune in to the sensations of the body. Surrender to them rather than waste energy resisting them.

• Keep a list of positive qualities or reasons to feel grateful toward your partner. Remember to revisit your list from time to time.

• Speak highly of your partner on social occasions. Never put them down in front of others.

• Develop tolerance for unpleasant emotions through the practice of being with them, or allowing space for them, rather than blocking or suppressing them. They are all just temporary visitors. Be curious about them.

• Keep positive thinking as part of your toolkit but realize that the Buddha offered several options for dealing with unhelpful thoughts.

• Admit that noticing the positives, or being upbeat, as often as possible is a good influence on the atmosphere of your household."