"The first principle of the school is that it exists as an 'extended family.' This implies that a way of life and systems of relationships of an extended family create a necessary foundation for the community, whose essence is Self-inquiry. The condition of the school is deep cooperation, mutual accountability, respect, trust, and friendship. But this is not the ordinary and familiar family-oriented community. It is a condition that invites the opportunity to touch (and challenge) basic elements of human existence, such as absolute identification with one's own family and children, defense of the boundaries of 'mine,' and acceptance of the obvious in relationships. The individual is invited to expose and deeply explore the array of prejudices and conditioning in this field. At the same time, due to the very existence of such a community, some needs arise that are not directly related to the school, namely, needs in the area of health, education, and finances. Even these mundane concerns need to be addressed under the canopy of the school.

"Today the extended family concept plays out in many ways both subtle and obvious. The clearest example is the mutual warmth and physical closeness on constant display in Neot Smadar. Warm embraces are commonplace, men and women demonstrate spontaneous physical affection, people are generous with their time and show attentiveness to others; they avoid cliques and always make room for others to join in on conversations. According to Ilana, the most illustrious demonstrations of the extended family concept are Shabbat dinner and Saturday breakfast — festive affairs at which "family tables" are open to others, when song circles open up for all to join, and when sharing food and conversation feels natural. In Neot Smadar children run about, and the young ones are picked up by and snuggle against adults were not their parents — everyone is an uncle or an aunt. Moreover, young members of the community are attached as "uncles" to families with children in order to create new relationships, to mix populations, to help and to be helped. Even the children going through "dreadful twos," when babies fear strangers, interact with no drama. The extended family manifests itself in the rotation of homes or, better yet, in the easy willingness to share space with others (including visitors like myself) and the absence of possessiveness with regard to property, food, or honor. As Ilana put it to me, the extended family is about the feeling of being together, not the idea. 'It comes from the heart.' "