This author addresses every person who picks up her book with empathy and advice because, as she explains, everyone is walking around grieving something. Navigating loss is a set of skills we need to develop and a wisdom we need to acquire.
Moffa is a licensed psychotherapist and mental-health educator with a practice in New York City. She begins her book vulnerably, remembering the moment her dad called to say her mom had just died. That was seven years ago. She also speaks of a divorce that felt as if it “might take me down.” So she speaks from her education, her many hours as a therapist, and personal experience when describing the feeling of “griefall” (a term she’s coined): “the freefall after loss,” “like the bottom had fallen out beneath me and I was racing toward the dark unknown.”
She tells others’ stories too. Each reader will likely find themselves in one or more of these. They are all about common experiences.
Moffa guides gently, asking repeatedly for readers to check-in with their feelings, thoughts, and needs. It is difficult to grieve and difficult to process grief. Her advice includes “The better you know what you are experiencing, the better you can know what to do (or not do) about it.” “Nothing has to change right away. [Grieving is] about being as present and gentle with yourself as you can.” And, “The anxiety I see most often is around our needs and wants shifting a lot and not being sure what we may want in any moment.”
Chapters address how to honor life’s many losses, learning to feel emotions more clearly and fully, and “Grief’s Sister, Trauma.” Chapter 11 is perhaps most helpful: “How to Be Real About Your Grief with Yourself and the People Around You,” suggesting that “ ‘Fine’ is a four-letter word,” and offering much advice on how to reply honestly and authentically when people ask how you are doing (see the excerpt accompanying this review).
Try a Spiritual Practice on Being Present
Go Deeper:
Learning to Accept Grief as a Lifelong Companion: An E-Course exploring how to hold broken-heartedness with compassion.
