Compassion Instead of Anger
"Is anger the only motivation that can energize us to correct harmful situations? According to Buddhism, it is not. Compassion — the wish for others to be free from difficulties and confusion — is not only a powerful motivator, but also one that is more balanced, realistic, and effective than anger. …
"For many years, I have lived in the Northwest part of the USA, where deforestation is commonplace. When it occurred near a retreat center our spiritual community regularly used, witnessing the deforestation was particularly painful, and some retreatants were hostile whenever a logging truck drove by. But a bumper-sticker saying 'Hug a logger instead of a tree' made me think, 'The loggers want to be happy and avoid suffering just like the deer they are displacing and the retreatants who miss the forest. Many of them probably do not like their work. I may disagree with the policies of the companies who employ them, but I don't need to hate either the CEOs or the loggers.' Although I continued to sign anti-logging petitions and oppose deforestation, I began to wave to the loggers who drove by. Why not? They smiled and waved back."
— Working With Anger
Know What Your Buttons Are
"Each of us has 'buttons' — areas where we are sensitive. When our buttons are pushed, we fly off the handle, blaming the other person for upsetting us. But our being upset is a dependently arising process. We contribute the buttons, and the other person does the pushing. If we didn't have the buttons, others couldn't push them.
"Our buttons are our responsibility. As long as we have them, someone will push them, especially since they are big, red, and flashing. Our buttons are so sensitive, that even if a person walks by, the breeze from his passage will trigger our button's detector and our alarm will ring, 'That person is offending (harming, criticizing, deceiving, manipulating, cheating, etc.) me!' Although many times people have no intention of harming us, our buttons get pushed just because they are so sensitive.…We need to do internal research, asking ourselves what our buttons are and why we are so sensitive in those particular areas."
— Working With Anger
Practice Non-attachment
"Question: If we're detached, is it possible to be with our friends and family?
" 'Detachment' isn't an accurate translation of the Buddhist concept. 'Non-attachment' may be better. Detachment implies being uninvolved, cold, and aloof. However, in the Buddhist sense, non-attachment means having a balanced attitude, free from clinging. When we are free from attachment, we won't have unrealistic expectations of others, nor will we cling to them out of fear of being miserable when they aren't there. Non-attachment is a calm, realistic, open, and accepting attitude. It isn't hostile, paranoid, or unsociable. Having a balanced attitude doesn't mean rejecting our friends and family. It means relating to them in a different way. When we aren't attached, our relationships with others are harmonious, and in fact, our affection for them increases."
— Buddhism for Beginners
On Past Lives
"Question: Is it important to know what our past lives were?
"No. What's important is how we live our present life. Knowing what we were in past lives is useful only if it helps us to generate strong determination to avoid negative actions or to free ourselves from cyclic existence. To try to find out who we were in past lives only for curiosity's sake isn't useful. It could even lead us to become proud: 'I was a king in my past life.' 'I was so famous and talented.' 'I was Einstein!' So what? Actually, we have all been and done everything in our infinite past lives in cyclic existence. The important thing is to purify our previous negative actions, avoid creating more, and put energy into accumulating positive potential and developing our good qualities.
"There's a Tibetan saying: 'If you want to know about your past life, look at your present body. If you want to know about your future life, look at your present mind.' We received our present rebirth as a result of our past actions. A human rebirth is a fortunate one, and we created the cause for it by living ethically in our previous lives. These good causes were probably created in a fortunate rebirth in the past, because creating such virtue is difficult in unfortunate rebirths. On the other hand, our future rebirths will be determined by what we think, say, and do now, and our mind motivates all these actions. Thus, we can get an idea of the kind of rebirths we will take by looking at our present attitudes and emotions and examining whether they are constructive or destructive. We don't need to go to a fortune-teller to ask what will become of us. We can simply consider the imprints we are leaving on our mindstream moment by moment by our thoughts, words, and deeds."
— Buddhism for Beginners
The Practice of Saying Something Nice
"The antidote to speaking of the faults of others is speaking with understanding and compassion. For those engaged in spiritual practice and for those who want to live harmoniously with others, this is essential. Pointing out people's good qualities to them and to others makes our own mind joyful; it promotes harmony in the environment, and it gives people useful feedback.
"Praising others should be part of our daily life and a component of our Dharma practice.…An interesting experiment is to try to say something nice to or about someone every day for a month. Try it. It makes us much more aware of what we say and why. It encourages us to change our perspective so that we notice others' good qualities. Doing so also improves our relationships tremendously."
— Taming the Mind
Rejoice in the Happiness of Others
"Sometimes only the pain of the jealousy itself stimulates us to seek out its antidote.
"Rejoicing in the happiness, talents, fortune, and good qualities of others is that antidote. When others are happy, we might as well join in! When others act wisely and kindly, why not rejoice in their virtue? There is so much suffering in our world that to wish others to be deprived of the happiness they have is foolish.
"Rejoicing is regarded as the lazy person's way to create great positive potential. When we rejoice at others' virtues — their kindness, generosity, ethical discipline, patience, joyous effort, concentration, wisdom, and so forth — we accumulate positive potential as if we had that admirable attitude or had done that beneficial action ourselves. Since we need to accumulate great positive potential to progress along the path, rejoicing at others' goodness and happiness is definitely worthwhile. It spurs us along the path to enlightenment and also makes us happy right now."
— How to Free Your Mind: Tara the Liberator
