Refraining is a way of making friends with ourselves at the most profound level possible. We can begin to relate with what's underneath all the bubbles and burps and farts, all the stuff that comes out and expresses itself as uptight, controlling, manipulative behavior, or whatever it is. Underneath all that, there's something very soft, very tender, that we experience as fear or edginess.
— Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart