We don't have to open our hearts. The heart is already open. We just need to clear the obstructions that get in the way of experiencing that openness. Working with our own reactions takes on a particularly interesting twist because what we want from another is often what is most difficult for them to give. The converse is also true: what's most difficult for us to give is often what another wants most from us. This illustrates exactly what Kierkegaard meant by perfect love being the love that comes from our unhappiness.
— Ezra Bayda, At Home in the Muddy Water