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A Faithful Farewell
"The Amish teach that the sick, the elderly, and the dying are gifts to the community because of the love and care they bring forth. That's a beautiful and generous way to think about what my 'contribution' may be now to a community in which I used to be much more 'useful.' Allowing others to be generous and tender, giving them occasion for the sacrifices of time and energy that deepen their investment in my life, may seem like a necessary evil, but perhaps it's a necessary good. I am still a participant. And I cling to the poet Wendell Berry's helpful observation: 'Love changes, and in change is true.' The way they love me, and I them, has to change. May God help us all accept these changes with grace and kindness.
" 'Gracious God, my help in time of trouble, teach me to accept help with grace. Dispel my shame and bring, in its place, peace, patience, and gratitude for those who minister to me. Let me recognize your loving touch in theirs.
"I am weak, but Thou art strong. . . .' "
A reflection on why needing help is a gift to your community.
Make Me One With Everything
Ten Keys to Inter-Meditation: What Oneness Feels Like
"1. Authenticity — which arises from attention, honesty, and pure presence (of mind and heart)
2. Selflessness — a Big-Self-interest that goes beyond selfish, with a little bit of healthy individuation so we can take care of and be responsible for ourselves
3. Generosity — giving of ourselves and sharing things, emotions, energy, time, and wisdom
4. Patience — our commitment to forbearance, tolerance, acceptance, flexibility, and resilience
5. Trust — seeing who or what we're inter-meditating with as a gateway to the Divine, as the mutual respect this encourages is necessary for love
6. Genuine love — empathic compassion, benevolence, and caring
7. Delight, joy, pleasure, play, fun — we don't need to take all of this (or ourselves) so seriously
8. Passion, enchantment, ardor, interest in other — this inquiring mind-state is one of wonderment and goes deeper, is more empathically connected and altruistic, than mere curiosity or fascination
9. Openness — to the mystery, to not knowing, to not having it all worked out, and to life that is larger than our individual minds and wills
10. A meaningful, mutual purpose and direction — we're doing this for the benefit of both ourselves and others, always remembering that there is no real difference in the bigger picture"
The American Buddhist teacher on the elements of a oneness practice.
Spiritually Literate Holiday Gifts
Spiritually literate gifts have meanings attached to them. They might be symbolic of God's presence in daily life; they might reflect how we are connected through time and across the miles with others; or they might encourage us in a spiritual practice such as play, wonder, and hope. Here are some examples of spiritually literate gifts to give this holiday season, based on the Alphabet of Spiritual Literacy.
• Something handmade which expresses your creativity. (Creativity is a gift of God, and a handmade gift reflects our role as co-creators of the universe.)
• A toy, game, joke book, or something whimsical that makes you laugh. (According to the some of the mystics, God created the world in play and loves laughter. There is an Apache myth of the Creator giving human beings the ability to talk, to run, and to look. But God was not satisfied until God also gave them the ability to laugh. Only then did the Creator say, "Now you are fit to live.")
• Something you have used and appreciated, such as a book you have read or a piece of clothing. (Everything has value, even old and used things, and recycled gifts often have added value because stories go along with them.)
• A journal into which you have copied meaningful poems and passages from books you like, or a CD of your favorite songs. (By making your own holy books and hymnals, you are sharing your spiritual understanding of the world. You are also introducing others to your teachers.)
• A DVD that has touched you. (This is another way to share meanings and teachers with others. It also encourages hospitality, imagination, enthusiasm, gratitude, joy, and play.)
• A food basket, arranged to accent the variety of colors and shapes of food. Or an aromatherapy candle. (Beautiful sights, touches, and smells evoke wonder and reverence for life's bounties.)
• Copies of recipes, perhaps family favorites or dishes served on a special occasion. (In addition to sparking memories of shared experiences, recipes reflect our connections with others over time and space.)
• A donation in someone's name to a charity or nonprofit organization. (Money given to an environmental organization or an animal shelter testifies to our reverence for the Creation; money to groups working for conflict resolution advances the cause of peace; money to a community food bank or an organization working with refugees demonstrates our feelings of connection to others.)
• The gift of silence, such as money and time off for a visit to a spiritual retreat house or just to stay home with the phones off. (Silence is an essential spiritual practice, valuable according to all the wisdom traditions for communing with God and nurturing, healing, and renewing the soul.)
Examples of gifts that have meanings attached to them and reflect spiritual practices from the Alphabet of Spiritual Literacy.
Beyond Happiness
"I once got to know a young woman who worked at Starbuck's; she always greeted me with a warm smile and a friendly word. When I asked her if she was ever in a bad mood, she replied, 'Of course, but my calling is to bring good cheer to my customers, which I can't do if I obsess about myself.'
"Each of us has to reflect on what we have to offer, as well as on what is needed. It may take a while to find our own calling, but this is a very different path from our usual self-centered pursuits in the workplace. When we do our work primarily for money, or to achieve higher status, we're unlikely to find genuine fulfillment. What's missing is the sense of valuing the possibilities available through our work. We often forget that meaning is not inherent in any job. For example, being a doctor is no more inherently meaningful than being a janitor. In fact, many doctors burn out because their expectations of what they'll get for themselves — money, status, appreciation — don't deliver their promise, even when conventional success is achieved.
"On the contrary, a study of janitors at a large hospital showed that those who saw themselves as part of the hospital team experienced genuine fulfillment, because they thought more about the welfare of others than about meeting their own self-centered demands. Even though their time was spent emptying bedpans and mopping floors, they went out of their way to contribute, sometimes doing extra tasks to help ease the burdens of the doctors and nurses. . . . They found value in their work by making their best effort to serve others. They also experienced the satisfaction of seeing themselves as contributing to the overall healing environment of the hospital.
"Finding happiness through our work requires two basic things. First, we have to recognize our own patterns, such as trying ever harder to be appreciated or doing whatever it takes to get approval. These patterns block any chance of experiencing genuine happiness. And second, once we recognize those patterns, we have to undertake the basic, blue-collar work of practice — the mundane everyday efforts of bringing awareness to the underlying fears that dictate how we feel and act. There is nothing romantic or magical about our blue-collar efforts; they are bound to take time and perseverance, and we may become frustrated at times along the way. But we can remind ourselves regularly that awareness is what ultimately heals.
"In addition to staying present with our experience, we can also turn our whole approach toward our work right-side up. We do this by turning away from our normal orientation of 'What's in it for me?' and instead ask the question 'What do I have to offer?' When we learn to give from our own unique gifts, we can experience the deep fulfillment of living a life in which we prioritize giving over getting. We will also discover that giving from the generosity of the heart is one of the essential roots of true contentment."
Ezra Bayda on giving from the generosity of the heart as one of the essential roots of true contentment.
Food for Life
"Practices surrounding food and eating are one of the best avenues for building upon Christ's injunctions. We can all understand hunger, because we all eat every day. Food makes a direct connection between our beliefs and our daily life. Eating is a practical, easily comprehended, foundational experience. Developing such practices is easy to do; it is a daily routine, and it helps avoid the segregation of religious matters to an isolated sector of life. It encourages a spirituality that is not ethereal or fragmented but pervasive, concrete, and holistic. Furthermore, the Christian faith is replete with practices connected to food.
"We could include here a long list of activities that encourage the appreciation of food and the alleviation of others' (as well as our own) hunger. However tempting it may be to produce just such a list of 'things to do,' I want to limit this to three core practices:
"1. Pray carefully in church and at home. Say grace before meals thoughtfully in a way that recognizes the specifics of the meal and of what is going on in your life. Being specific about what all goes into getting food prepared and on the table helps us not only be aware of this blessing, it also puts us in relationship with God. It helps us recognize that we live in grace.
"2. Find a way of sharing food with others, especially others who cannot share in return. Do this for yourself, for Christ's sake! Some good ways to do this are by volunteering regularly in a soup kitchen or working in a food pantry or helping to staff a shelter for homeless or otherwise disadvantaged persons. You could begin in small ways to share with those, like children or the elderly or shut-ins, who need food to be provided. At the least we can make certain food is provided through such agencies as the Christian Children's Fund or Heifer Project International. Sharing face-to-face is better. Get to know individual people. Prepare the meal yourself.
"3. Make it a practice to know where your food comes from and to eat as locally as possible. This may mean growing some of your own food and appreciating what comes close to home. Seek to discover where God is active in your local food supply system. Where does food waste go? Learning about the source of your food and eating (and buying) locally will be a great joy and it will also be a spiritual blessing to expect to find God at work in all the processes that produce food and delight at table. You will not be far from worship at that point."
J. Shannon Jung on three Christian spiritual practices surrounding food and eating.
In Buddha's Kitchen
In 1991, Kimberley Snow moved with her husband to a Tibetan Buddhist community in northern California where she took a job as the cook in the retreat center. Before that she worked as an executive chef of a private club at a center where racehorses were trained. Snow admits to being furious much of the time on that tense job.
In this entertaining and edifying book, the author charts some of the transformations that took place within her once she began cooking at the retreat center. Lama Tashi shows her that much of the suffering in her life has been caused by the need to control. Bothered by a difficult woman in the kitchen, Snow tries to get rid of her. Lama Tashi suggests that she thank the woman for showing her the limits of her patience.
The author practices meditation, takes vows of silence, and attends morning and evening devotions, but the heart of her spiritual practice takes place in the kitchen where she learns compassion and mindfulness. Lama P. calls it training as a bodhissatva. Snow realizes that this is the perfect milieu for developing the six perfections — generosity, patience, diligence, moral discipline, concentration, and wisdom. Raised as a Presbyterian, the author is grateful for the chance to get her mind under control. In Buddha's Kitchen is another excellent primer on the importance of spiritual practice in a familiar setting.
Demonstrates how spiritual practice is best done in the midst of our everyday activities.
Comfortable with Uncertainty
Pema Chodron is resident teacher at Gampo Abbey, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, the first Tibetan Buddhist monastery in North America established for Westerners. She is the author of The Wisdom of No Escape, Start Where You Are, When Things Fall Apart, and The Places That Scare You. In this top-drawer work, Emily Hilburn Sell has compiled and edited 108 excerpts from Chodron's books that illustrate the art of resting in uncertainty or what is known as living the openness of the present moment and being available to others.
These teachings offer key insights into ways to soften the heart. A central one is sitting meditation. Another is mind-training, which in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition includes tonglen meditation and the use of slogans to combat self-centeredness. Chodron also covers the aspiration practices of the four limitless qualities: loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. By activating these possibilities in ourselves, we can engage in what the author calls "the six ways of compassionate living": generosity, patience, exertion, meditation, and wisdom. This path, which is known as bodhisattva activity, has been called in Shambhala teachings the path of warriorship.
Chodron sees sitting meditation as a practice that helps us to stay with our thoughts, to be open to our vulnerability, to live in the present moment, and to lighten up. She is convinced that the four limitless qualities "are powerful tools for dissolving the barriers that perpetuate the suffering of all beings." Chodron celebrates compassionate activity with the following words: "It's daring not to shut anyone out of our hearts, not to make anyone an enemy. If we begin to live like this, we'll find that we actually can't define someone as completely right or completely wrong anymore. Life is more slippery and playful than that. Trying to find absolute rights and wrongs is a trick we play on ourselves to feel secure and comfortable."
Perhaps the most memorable passages in this anthology are those in which Chodron explains or ponders the profound meanings of the 59 slogans, all of which come across as exercises to reverse the ego's logic. For instance, take "drive all blames into one."
This practice means owning the blame instead of always pointing the finger at others. "Abandon any hope of fruition" challenges us to stop trying to control the future or acting in such a way as to insure things go our way. "Don't expect applause" is a very difficult one since we've all been taught to take credit for making good things happen. The point is to practice kindness and generosity without any hope of recognition or reward. Chodron really hits the bull's eye with her commentary on the slogans. They are essential tools for the spiritual warrior in a world of difficulties, disappointments, surprises, and constant change.
Soul-stretching material excerpted from this extraordinary Buddhist nun's previous five books on compassion, meditation, and the awakened heart.
Raising Nonviolent Children in a Violent World
According to family counselor and professor Michael Obsatz, "The spiritually growing family is nonviolent and is committed to a set of principles that affirm life, encourage generosity, care for the community, and help members develop a sense of meaning and purpose." Since violence permeates all levels of society including even our schools and suburban neighborhoods, it is imperative that parents and children learn personal growth, self-defense, and interpersonal skills that are nonviolent. Dr. Obsatz outlines 21 of these skills and at the end of each chapter includes a variety of interactive activities for families.
Most of the skills have an ethical base and can be modeled by parents at home. Among these are empathizing with others, respecting other people's rights, collaborating and sharing ideas, and conflict negotiation. Dr. Obsatz identifies nurturing as a spiritual practice that is integral to nonviolence. This cannot be emphasized enough. In caring for ourselves and in caring for others, we nourish the seeds of intimacy and meaning.
Presents 21 nonviolent skills that can be nurtured in the home.
How to End Suffering
Sri Eknath Easwaran (1911-1999) taught meditation and the spiritual life for more than 40 years. In 1961, he established the Blue Mountain Center in California. Over 25 of his books have been published, revealing this erudite and compassionate spiritual teacher's unique blend of Eastern and Western wisdom for the path of love and service. Near the end of his life, Sri Easwaran added two new disciplines to his Eight Point Program of meditation: Detached Reflection and Determined Redirection, two avenues of insight and action for transforming our weaknesses into strengths.
Dolores Wood has worked in journalism and publishing for more than two decades. She joined Sri Easwaran's meditation community in 1992 and then worked with its publishing arm and newsletter. In this illuminating and substantive book based on Easwaran's spiritual teachings, Wood delves into his understanding of suffering, the obstacles to spiritual progress, unifying desire, the purpose of the second half of life, dealing with death, and taking responsibility for your health in this life.
Those familiar with Sri Easwaran's writings on samskaras (negative emotions that play havoc with our minds) will be amazed at the succinct summaries of them by Wood. She is an excellent synthesizer. Check out the ways in which spiritual individuals can harness the misdirected energy in anger, greed, and fear and turn them into compassion, generosity, and fearlessness.
Wood also does a fine job pondering Sri Easwaran's use of the mantra to prevent the mind from dwelling on destructive thoughts and the value of spiritual readings as an antidote to the information overload of contemporary culture.
How to End Suffering contains a mother lode of uplifting quotations from Sri Easwaran on patience, Gandhi, the body, unity, the emotions, transforming desire, death, the mind, and mysticism. Wood has rendered her esteemed spiritual teacher an invaluable service here by respectfully summarizing his mystical vision of life, death, and meaning. And all who read this engrossing work are the beneficiaries.
The teachings of Sri Eknath Easwaran in an inspiring and edifying format.
The Jew in the Lotus
This is an engaging report on a historic rendezvous in 1990 between the Dalai Lama, the Tibetan Buddhist spiritual leader, and eight Jewish spokespersons. The author, a professor of English at Louisiana State University, comes to a new appreciation of Judaism as he listens to representatives of his faith speak about angels, meditation, suffering, evil, and group survival. Throughout the dialogue these Jews and Buddhists honor their mutual devotion to spiritual practice and ethical discipline. Kamenetz comes away from the conference with a respect for the Dalai Lama's humility, generosity of spirit, and openness to interfaith dialogue. Readers of The Jew in the Lotus will be amazed at the rich vein of wisdom regarding Judaism and Buddhism contained within these pages.
A collection of essays addressing some of the major obsessions and problems of our era.