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8 Habits of Love
For more than 15 years, Ed Bacon has served as rector for All Saints, an urban Episcopal parish in Pasadena, California, with over 4,000 members. His radically inclusive message has attracted Christians of all stripes, Jews, Muslims, and atheists to the pews, and inspired visits and friendships from Desmond Tutu, Cornel West, Madonna, and Ariana Huffington. Bacon has been a frequent guest on Oprah's Soul Series on Oprah Radio and a panelist in the "Spirituality 101" segment of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
In his ministry, the author has come across many people who have "an enormous hunger and need in the world for spiritual guidance in living a life grounded in love and free of fear." The key to experiencing this transformation is to open one's heart and mind to the Beloved within. Bacon has come up with what he calls "the 8 Habits of Love" that can set our lives on a fresh and flourishing course.
With the Habit of Generosity, we can live in the spirit of abundance since all that we give away to others comes back to us. Each act of selfless kindness gives us a boost in letting go of our fear of scarcity.
With the Habit of Stillness, we listen to the Beloved and slow down the fast pace of our lives. Entering this sacred space on a daily basis is good training in surrendering to the Holy One who is the source of all silence and peace.
With the Habit of Candor, we are challenged to speak the truth from our hearts and train ourselves further in the art of listening. Bacon states that this is the riskiest habit since we can misread a person or a situation, so care must be taken to "lay the groundwork carefully."
With the Habit of Play, we celebrate the humanity and the creativity within us that is yearning for expression. This Habit takes within its embrace laughter, a liberating force that comes with lightness of being.
With the Habit of Forgiveness, we can move beyond the blame game and "the prison of fear, self-punishment, and revenge." There is a healing power in forgiveness that brings hope to painful relationships.
Bacon also writes about the Habits of Compassion, Truth, and Community. The 8 Habits of Love by Ed Bacon beckons us to a new adventure in everyday spirituality.
Eight Habits of Love which can set our lives on a fresh and flourishing course.
A Good Trade
Kato is a young, hard-working Ugandan boy who makes the same trek every morning at dawn to get water from the faraway borehole. While the rest of the village sleeps, he makes his way beyond the gates, walking past soldiers guarding a field where cattle are grazing. At the borehole, he fills two jerry cans with water.
On the way home, Kato peeks into the truck of an aid worker and sees all kinds of things his neighbors need. In a garden, he finds the perfect gift for the woman who has brought many things, including tennis shoes for all the kids including Kato.
Alma Fullerton has written this simple but eloquent account of how giving is a boon to both the giver and the recipient. A wise Chinese proverb says: "A lot of fragrance always clings to the hand of one that gives roses." That is certainly true of Kato. Hats off to Fullerton and illustrator Karen Patkau for this touching African tale about generosity and kindness!
A touching children's story set in Africa about the salutary benefits of generosity and kindness.
Oh! What a Surprise!
Suzanne Bloom, author of A Splendid Friend, Indeed, has a knack for presenting both the delights and the challenges of friendship. Goose, Bear, and the Fox return as the three main characters in this spunky tale about gifts, giving, and surprises. Writer and illustrator Bloom has aimed this picture book at children ages 2 - 6 years of age.
Fox visits Bear and finds him busy making a gift. He hopes that it is for him but it isn't. He assures Bear that Goose doesn't like surprises but he does. Fox finds his other friend making a surprise gift for Bear and now is really upset to be left out. So he decides to create the ultimate gift which will rock Bear and Goose and enable them to see him more clearly.
We love the three inimitable characters in this series of children's books. They help kids see that friendship blooms when it is watered by patience, generosity, and wonder.
A spunky children's book about the delights and the challenges of friendship.
Why Stay Catholic?
Michael Leach is publisher emeritus and editor-at-large of Orbis Books. Dubbed "the dean of Catholic publishing," he has been a leader in this field for more than 30 years. In his bestseller I Like Being a Catholic, Leach tallied up the reasons why he loves Catholicism. In this work, he expands that perspective. He is responding to cradle Catholics who love the church but are appalled and embarrassed by the sex scandals, to recovering Catholics who have been wounded by the church, to weary Catholics who are tired of the "same old same old" on Sunday mornings, to ex-Catholics who see themselves as spiritual but not religious, and to non-Catholics who are shocked by the past deeds of the present Pope and the church's support of American war efforts and denial of Jesus' example of nonviolence. These ex-Catholics number nearly 20 million Americans!
In his impressive defense of staying Catholic, Leach pulls out all the stops with sections on Ideas, People, and Places. Among the ideas he finds appealing are:
• The Sacramental Imagination
• God is Everywhere
• Nothing Can Separate Us from the Love of God — Nothing
• The Mystical Body of Christ
• A Mass of Energy
• Everyone Has a Guardian Angel
• The Church's Best Kept Secret (we won't give that away).
Leach pays tribute to Catholic people he adores for their special contributions to the faith and to the church. Among them are Dorothy Day, Father Andrew Greeley, Sister Thea Bowman, Antoinette Bosco, Mitch Finley, and Miriam Therese Winter.
And, last but not least, Leach salutes places that symbolize the mission and the messages of Catholicism for the wider world. Here you will find essays on the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani in Kentucky, Vatican 11, Catholic Relief Service, and Catholic Charities.
An impressive defense of Catholicism.
Any Room for Me?
One cold winter morning, a hunter is walking very fast through the woods with his dog. He drops his glove. A little mouse sees it and immediately scurries inside seeking warmth. Then a frog comes along and asks, "Any room for me?" The mouse accommodates him with pleasure. Then a hare, a fox, a wild boar, and a large bear join them in the fallen glove. Seeing them snuggled together in the glove, we wonder what will happen when the man returns.
Loek Koopmans is the writer and illustrator for this children's book for babies through pre-schoolers. This playful tale salutes the kindness, generosity, hospitality, and fearleslsness of the mouse who gives up his little paradise to strangers. We also like the ending where the message is: nothing lasts forever so don't get attached to anything.
A playful children's book about kindness and the impermanence of all things.
Beyond Happiness
Ezra Bayda teaches at the Zen Center San Diego and is featured as a Living Spiritual Teacher at Spirituality & Practice. He is the author of four books including Zen Heart.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama has said that the purpose of human life is to be happy. It's something we all aspire to. And it doesn't take us very long to discover that the quest to find happiness in externals such as money, possessions, therapy, or even spiritual practice is a dead-end street. It is better to begin with a look at what blocks happiness.
Bayda states that having a sense of entitlement (the belief that life will go our way) means that we will eventually feel like a victim. Along with grandiosity goes an "if-only" attitude which fuels our fears of discomfort and suffering. Bayda outlines other illusions about life that block happiness and move us away from contentment. The thinking mind with its judgments, fears, and limiting beliefs is an obstacle along with being captivated by our separating emotions. A final block to happiness is our survival-based control strategies (trying harder, seeking approval, and addictions).
In a section of the book titled "Surrendering to What Is," Bayda covers the roots of contentment: being present, generosity of spirit, gratitude, loving-kindness, and forgiveness. He shares the practice of three questions: "Am I truly happy right now? What blocks happiness? Can I surrender to what is?" Bayda then points out the value of using these queries in daily life — in a car, at work, in a relationship, or when you've got nothing to do.
We appreciated three things about this book. First, the revelations about Bayda's personal life such as his delight in playing conga drums or riding the ocean waves on his boogie board. We relished his insistence that humor be seen as essential to contentment. And thirdly, we marveled at the spiritual breadth and depth of his gratitude practices, his insights on giving through work (see the excerpt), and a meditation on forgiveness. Bayda concludes that the deepest purpose of life is not happiness but waking up. The practices at the end of the book are designed to help you do just that.
A thoughtful and practical Zen approach to happiness and the holy grail of contentment.
The Kindness Handbook
"It takes boldness, even audacity, to step out of our habitual patterns and experiment with a quality like kindness — to work with it and see just how it might shift and open up our lives," writes meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg. She continues: "For kindness to be more fully realized it needs to be distinguished from being ineffectual or meek. It needs to be infused with wisdom. Kindness needs to be supported by courage and threaded with balance."
Salzberg has been leading meditation retreats for 35 years and is the author of many books including The Force of Kindness and Faith. The spiritual practice of kindness consists of little acts — a word of thanks, a nod of approval, a greeting on the street, or a hug of a friend. In this warm and salutary guidebook, Salzberg presents meditations, anecdotes, and readings on this civilizing and humane quality.
Kindness grows naturally out of our sense of interconnectedness with others. Salzberg believes that "a loving heart is our natural home" and that compassion is "a state of mind that is itself open, abundant, and inclusive." Compassion enables us to reach beyond the walls we construct to separate ourselves from others. For many of us it is easier to be compassionate for others than it is to be compassionate with ourselves and our failings. In a very wise piece of advice, Salzberg writes: "The cultivation of contentment is also a way to cultivate kindness toward ourselves." We have so much to be thankful for and the gifts keep arriving at our door.
Another important ingredient of kindness is generosity: "The Buddha said that a true spiritual life is not possible without a generous heart. Generosity is the first quality of an awakened mind. The spiritual path begins there because of the joy that arises from a generous heart. Pure unhindered delight flows freely when we practice generosity. We experience joy in forming the intention to give, in the actual act of giving, and in recollecting the fact that we've given."
This same spirit of unselfishness animates what the Buddhists call the practice of sympathetic joy. We are used to thinking about wanting, getting, and holding on. But in this practice, we rejoice in the success and good fortune of others. Such joy banishes the thought that if someone comes up a winner, there will be less for us. Kindness also is activated by equanimity, which engenders inner calm.
Salzberg delivers what she promises: a practical companion which celebrates this overlooked quality that can heal our lives and transform our world.
A warm and salutary guidebook on the spiritual practice of kindness.
The Skeptic's Guide to Global Poverty
Here are a few startling statistics from this excellent overview of the staggering dimensions of world poverty, written by Dale Hanson Bourke, the author of eight books and a dedicated humanitarian:
• Nearly half of the people in the world live on less than $2 a day.
• The combined economies of all 48 sub-Saharan African countries are about the same as the city of Chicago.
• The GDP of the poorest 48 nations is less than the combined wealth of the world's richest three people.
• 20 percent of the population in the developed world consume 86 percent of the world's goods.
• 6 million children under five die every year of malnutrition.
• There are 9.2 million refugees in the world.
• Worldwide, 1.4 billion people lack access to clean water.
Begin reading this paperback by taking a quiz on how much you know about global poverty. Then consider such tough questions as:
• Won't there always be poor people?
• Does foreign aid really help?
• Is globalization good or bad?
• What is debt relief?
• Why are there so many wars and conflicts in poor countries?
• What is the Global Fund?
This excellent book amplifies its subject with quotations, facts, photos, charts, and illustrations.
A helpful overview of the staggering problem of global poverty
The Hundred Verses of Advice
Padampa Sangyre was a twelfth century wandering Indian yogi and spiritual master who assembled 100 verses of advice for the Tibetan villagers of Tingri. They have been interpreted by Dilgo Khyentse (1910-1991), a meditation teacher and Tibetan scholar. The result is a soul-stretching collection of essential teachings on what matters most in this tradition.
There are many passages on death and the need to honor the fragility and impermanence of life. Most of us assume that we have plenty of time. Even worse, we grow far too attached to our possessions or relationships that will pass. Dilgo Khyentse writes: "Which of us has not dreamed of making a fortune and being free from all worries for the rest of our lives? This 'demon of eternity' beguiles us into believing things can last forever."
Some of these commentaries speak forcefully to the peculiar warps of our time. Consider the following: "If someone steals something valuable from you, do not be upset or depressed, and do not feel anger or regret. Forget about vengeance. In your mind, offer the thief whatever it is he has taken from you and pray that your forbearance serves to purify all your past faults. Love is the only just response to hate." Try to imagine what life would be like in a culture where love rather than retribution was the operating principle.
Here's an alternative way to view wealth: "With enormous effort and determination, you might manage to amass an immense fortune and innumerable possessions. But do you think you can keep hold of those riches forever? However, there are other kinds of wealth — resources such as wisdom, compassion, faith, generosity, and diligence — that multiply as fast as we can use them."
It is important to remember that for centuries the Tibetans have explored a path of wisdom that illuminates every corner of life. The material in this volume opens doors to that spiritual perspective on everyday life.
Tibetan teachings on a variety of subjects including wealth, past lives, and the fragility and impermanence of life.
The Five Love Languages
Gary Chapman has been counseling married couples for more than 30 years, and his radio program airs on more than 100 stations. The Five Love Languages was a New York Times bestseller and has sold more than four million copies.
Here's a sobering statistic: 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Everyone talks about the importance and the energy of falling in love but few have the answers to keeping that original intimacy, passion, and togetherness alive. Chapman spells out what he calls "five ways that people speak and understand emotional love." The challenge in marriage is to speak your spouse's primary love language. The goal in this primary relationship is "not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love."
The first love language is "words of affirmation." Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, constant encouragement: these are essential ingredients in a relationship that is based on mutual trust and gratitude. If your spouse's love language is words of affirmation, try to build him or her up as often and in as many ways as possible.
The second love language is "quality time." This means doing something together where you give your spouse your full attention. One way Chapman suggests doing this is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened during the day and how you feel about them.
A third love language is "receiving gifts." If your spouse loves surprises, honor this by giving gifts of money, possessions, or things you have created. Some spouses who speak this love language are most impressed with the gift of your physical presence.
The fourth love language is "acts of service." These expressions of love can range from doing little things around the house to taking responsibility for larger projects — tasks that require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. Chapman suggests giving your spouse a love note accompanied by an act of service every three days for a month.
The fifth and final love language is "physical touch." Here kisses, hugs, and holding hands as well as sexual intercourse are important expressions of intimacy.
Chapman closes with various approaches to discovering your primary love language:
"1. What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.
"2. What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
"3. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved."
Love is a choice and love makes a difference, says Chapman. Try the tests on the last pages of this helpful work and you will gain a deeper knowledge of your probable love language.
Ways to keep your marriage alive and well.