"Possibly the greatest act of humility is forgiveness. To let go of our bitterness when others have hurt us requires us to be very small, and very strong. We must here rule over ourselves, in particular, our hunger for revenge. Forgiveness is a state of redemption that we need to earn, rather than the other who in fact may be incapable of asking for forgiveness. And it is a gift we give to ourselves as much as to the other, for it frees us from the tyranny of our bitterness, anger, and hatred. Yet forgiveness cannot be prematurely forced, otherwise it is false. People who have, for example, been abused by loved ones must never leap over their anguish and anger in an act of pseudo forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness must be patiently prepared for by working through our feelings of victimization. This can be painstaking. Nor should forgiveness be a way to avoid confronting others when necessary. It is not a way to dismiss or get around their wrongful behavior; this may need to be addressed directly. All the same, forgiveness does not depend merely on their expiation or apologies. It happens in our hearts. It sees the transgressions of others not with the passion of revenge, but with compassion toward their fallen humanity — which we all share in common — even if this fallen humanity is something they cannot see. This Godlike ability to see the transgressions of others with compassion is what Alexander Pope was referring to when he famously said, 'To err is human, to forgive, divine.'

"Earlier I mentioned how Abraham Lincoln embodied the small even in victory by encouraging a humble and forgiving attitude toward the South. This was an exquisite example of forgiveness in collective life, of practicing the way of the small in the world at large. Another remarkable example of this in modern times is the unprecedented transformation that took place in South Africa, the transfer of power from whites to blacks and to majority rule. Who would have thought that this transfer could have happened so peacefully? This was one of the great miracles of the twentieth century. One would have imagined that after generations of racial domination, exploitation, and cruelty, blacks would have vented their rage violently. Only leaders with spirits like Nelson Mandela and Frederik W. de Klerk could have spearheaded this transformation without mass hysteria and bloodshed. The new government's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, with its impassioned but civilized hearings, was a collective demonstration of humility, forgiveness, and the way of the small unlike any other in history. It opened the door to healing. The political philosopher Hannah Arendt was right: 'Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.' "