"Disappointment is such a bread-and-butter part of life. We eat, we sleep, we work, we get disappointed. As a child, small disappointments can feel devastating. But as adults, we expect ourselves not to flinch. 'Get over it,' we tell ourselves. 'Grow up.'
"We feel disappointed when our expectations don't match reality. When we don't get what we want, or when we get what we tried to avoid. We have tiny disappointments every day — when a friend cancels dinner, the outdoor concert is rained out, or we get a cold. It's an integral part of life. And yet, we typically react in two ways: either we minimize our feelings, or we react in shock, as if it is never supposed to happen to us. . . .
Holding Disappointment in Compassion and Joy
"We need to hold all of our feelings, even disappointment, in compassion and joy. Accepting it, embracing it just as it is, is the key. What does living in joy look like? Certainly not a life devoid of disappointment. It looks like 'choosing joy,' even now, even when I'm consumed with disappointment, even when I didn't get what I wanted. The question comes down to: 'Am I brave enough, awake enough, desperate enough, fed up enough, to choose joy — even when I don't like my current experience, even when the person who loves me most in life just said something that devastated me? Even now?'
"I don't mean living in a bubble. I mean acknowledging disappointment and holding it in joy and love. I mean being awake enough to see the disappointment train your mind has hopped on and holding even that in love and joy. I mean choosing joy every time you think of it. Not waiting. I mean being willing to feel disappointment directly, and choosing joy. Say, 'I love myself for feeling disappointment, and I choose joy, ' then notice how it feels in your body. Don't force it. Just choose joy and see what happens. Watch your vision clear. Notice if choosing joy allows you to take the blinders off and really see who is standing in front of you, saying they love you (not your distorted image of them, filled with resentment and judgment). Breathe joy into your body right now, and notice what fresh thoughts enter your mind. Choose joy and see if that pain lessons. Experiment. How you respond to disappointment reverberates through your whole life."
Practice Tools:
Read a practice on Compassion
Read a practice on Transformation
Read a practice on Being Present
