Sometimes I must pray out loud at the top of my lungs:
Good g-d, Enough!
Enough, Universe of Chaos and Confusion, I am done! We are done!
We cannot continue to hold all we are holding in our hearts, our bodies, our spirits.
We are Tired. We are Angry. We are Frightened. We are Hurting. We are Uncertain.
Can you hear us? Send us a sign if you can hear us.
Because we've not received affirmation in a long time.
And I've been searching for you everywhere,
reaching out for you in every passage of time and change of location,
trying to fill my lungs with breath less shallow.
Fill me with breath that oxygenates my being with the potential of what you are.
Of what I am.
Of life force.
Instead I choke, am left sputtering, abandoned in this reality without life force.
I would wish to end my words to you today with gratitude,
without gestures of utter aggravation, displeasure, and pain.
But in this moment, I am upset with you and you must know this truth.
I will not hide my outrage or my vulnerability. Not from you. Not from myself.
My eyes overflow because right now this world you've created feels so mean.
I feel so mean.
We feel so small. I feel so small.
Unsure, unworthy. Enough!
Good g-d, allow me and allow us to be: enough.— Jennifer Kelleher in Conversations with the Sacred by Manish Mishra-Marzetti, Jennifer Kelleher