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Edward Hays, The Old Hermit's Almanac
Consider two common forms of chemical warfare. The first is the concealed malice hidden in sarcasm. Sarcasm comes from the Greek word that means "to tear flesh." It's a form of speech intended to hurt others through mocking ridicule or searing humor (a poisoned reminder like, "I won't hold my breath until you . . .).
Teasing is another form of chemical warfare in which the poison is disguised as humor. What is meant to smell funny is designed to inflict deadly pain and embarrassment. This chemical is used in childhood on playgrounds and at school to attach the weak. Children's radar for another's weaknesses and personality faults is keen. Adulthood has perfected the use of this cruel chemical to the point where it even defies being called warfare. When challenged after an attack of tease gas, the aggressor says, "I was only kidding. What's the matter, can't you take a joke?"
Today, sign a chemical weapons treaty with yourself, pledging never to use sarcasm, ridicule or teasing as weapons against others.
Common forms of chemical warfare
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, Stepping Stones to Jewish Spiritual Living
Know that every deed counts, that every word is power. . . . Above all, remember that you must build your life as if it were a work of art.
Know that every deed counts
Hal W. French, Zen and the Art of Anything
You can give life in your speech. You can diminish life when you speak in hatred or anger.
You can give life in your speech
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Path of Emancipation
Talking takes away the precious time we share here. We are not depriving ourselves of the joy of talking or imposing silence on ourselves so that we can become a Buddha. We need the silence to enjoy our own presence and the presence of our Dharma brothers and sisters. This kind of silence is very alive, powerful, nourishing, and transforming. It is not oppressive or sad. Together we can create this kind of noble silence. Sometimes it is described as "thundering silence" because it is so powerful.
Together we can create this kind of noble silence.
David Deida, Instant Enlightenment
To the next person you see, silently give the praise you didn't get enough from your parents but wish you had. Give this praise silently to everyone you see for the next three days. In your imagination, give this praise silently to your parents, right now. How does it feel to offer the praise you never got, but wished you had.
Holding back praise limits all the love you are willing to give — through speech, sex, touch. It also restrains the love you could offer through your life's work.
Silently give the praise you didn't get
Joyfully Aging
"How can we be hope leaders in this hopeless world? Mull over these suggestions as you consider other possibilities in your own life:
"1. Use hope-filled words intentionally. Do an audit of your spoken and written communications.
2. Ask loved ones around you to critique your words and your actions. Do they look in the right places for hope from you?
3. Pick one arena of your life — your home, congregation, school, or workplace — to say and do hope to others. How does it feel? What reactions do you receive?
4. Look in the mirror or ask a friend to check your facial expressions and body language. Humans copy what they see in others.
5. Evaluate what and who makes you angry. Analyze your feelings, ask help from others, and reinvent ways to respond to others in hope.
6. Spend more time with hope-filled people. Our hope levels need to be restored regularly.
7. Search the Scriptures. In them is real hope! Do a concordance study of all the hope passages; it's an amazing experience!
8. Tell others of 'the hope that is in you' (1 Peter 3:15).
9. Keep well in body, mind, and spirit by looking for hope in all the right places: in Word and Sacrament; in the body of believers, the Church; in Baptism.
10. Know that there still is hope in Jesus Christ! Our faith and hope in Christ do not depend on how we look, act, or feel, and that's a good thing. It all depends on what Christ has already done for us on the cross and in the resurrection."
Richard Bimler on how we can be hope leaders.
Bad Words
Words matter. All the world's wisdom traditions address the challenges of curbing our tongues and making sure we do not harm others by our speech. The Buddha spoke of refraining from false speech, malicious speech, harsh speech, and gossip. Judaism has very strict rules about the ethics of speech; one teaching says shaming a person in public is the equivalent of shedding blood. Using that criteria, the vituperative movie Bad Words is a bloody mess given that the lead character gets a huge kick out of shaming people in public.
Guy Trilby (Jason Bateman) is an angry 40-year-old genius with an eighth-grade education who has a high IQ and a low social compatibility score. Seeing himself as having been victimized as a child, he shows up and brings chaos to Golden Quills, the prestigious national spelling-bee for children. Guy lashes out at the tournament's director Dr. Bernice Deagan (Allison Janney) who, in turn, forces him to sleep in a hotel supply closet. That really doesn't bother this misanthrope who is having sex regularly with Jenny (Kathryn Hahn), a news reporter who is sponsoring his right to participate in the contest. She also wants to discover the real reason why Guy is doing all he can to dump on contestants, to spew hatred on the parents who have brought their kids to become winners, and to embarrass the founder of the event, Dr. Bowman (Philip Baker Harris).
In his debut as a director, Jason Bateman has chosen a script by Andrew Dodge which reaches a new low in the effort to churn up laughter from movie-goers. Many of Guy's nasty words are used to drive away 10-year old Chaitanya Chopra (Rohan Chand), a socially awkward competitor who takes a fancy to him since he doesn't see much of his own father.
Despite Jason Bateman's many talents, he is unable to make this despicable trench mouth into a flawed man who is capable of doing better things. Some will find Guy's over-the-top verbal snipes entertaining while others will only be able to see him as a selfish, nasty, and self-destructive middle-ager whose speech is toxic. This movie is an example of the shadow side of free speech. It's also a cautionary tale for all of us who are unwilling to challenge irresponsible and uncivil speech.
A dark comedy about the toxic speech of an angry, nasty, and self-destructive man.
Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation
Ten Ways to Deepen Your Practice
"1. Think of kindness as a strength, not as a weakness. Kindness isn't an ally of foolishness or gullibility, but rather an ally of wisdom and courage.
"2. Look for the good in yourself — not as a way to deny your difficulties or problems but as a way to broaden your outlook so it's more truthful and balanced. Looking for the good in ourselves helps us see the good in others.
"3. Remember that everyone wants to be happy. If we look deeply into any kind of behavior, we will see an urge to feel a part of something greater than our own limited sense of self, a desire to feel at home in this body and mind. This urge toward happiness is often twisted and distorted by ignorance, by not knowing where happiness is actually to be found. Remembering what we share inspires us toward kindness.
"4. Recollect those who have helped or inspired us. Sometimes even a small act of kindness on someone's part makes an essential difference for us. Cultivating gratitude is a way of honoring these people, and also a way of lifting our spirits and reminding us of the power of good-heartedness.
"5. Practice at least one act of generosity a day. We all have something to give, large or small. It may be a smile, or an attentive conversation. Perhaps you let a stranger get ahead of you in line, or gave a coworker a small gift, or wrote a late-night note of appreciation. Any act of generosity — whether material or of the spirit — is a meaningful expression of kindness.
"6. Do lovingkindness meditation. Each day we can take the time to hold others in our hearts quietly and wish them well. This meditation might include someone who has been helpful or inspiring to us, someone we know who is feeling alone or afraid, someone who is experiencing triumph and joy, or someone we are about to meet with some trepidation. We might, depending on the circumstances of our lives, particularly include children or animals in our thoughts. Taking just ten minutes a day to reflect in this way is a powerful path to transformation.
"7. Listen. Often we have conversations where we are only partially paying attention; we're thinking about the next e-mail we need to send, or what we forgot to mention to the last person we spoke to. Or we decide we know what the other person is going to say, based on past encounters. Reopening that closed file by listening is a powerful gesture of kindness, one that allows fresh responses and transformed relationships.
"8. Include those who seem left out. In a conversation with a group of people, there may be those too shy to speak. In a room full of partygoers, there may be some who feel out of place. Be the one who opens the circle.
"9. Refrain from speaking ill of others. A friend told me about a time he resolved not to talk about any third person; if he had something to say about someone, he would say it directly to that person instead. If you feel tempted to put someone down, assume knowledge of their bad motives, or generally prove their inferiority, take a breath. Even though we might feel a rush of power in saying those words, we ultimately get no benefit from dividing people and sowing seeds of dissension and dislike. There are ways to talk about wrong behavior without derision or condemnation.
"10. 'Walk a mile in another person's shoes before you pass judgment.' As this old saying suggests, even if we're going to take strong action to try to change someone's behavior, a sense of empathy and understanding for them won't weaken us. If anything, that element of kindness will allow us to act more compassionately and creatively."
Sharon Salzberg on recollecting those who have helped or inspired us.
The King's Speech
Prince Albert (Colin Firth) is the second son of King George V (Michael Gambon), a charismatic leader of the English people. The King has mastered the new medium of the wireless and believes it now an essential means to speak to the nation. No longer is it true that all a king has to do is "wear a uniform and not fall off his horse." He must be an actor — at the beck and call of the public. King George decides to give Prince Albert a bit of the spotlight and asks him to deliver a short speech at the opening of the 1925 British Empire Exhibition. However, Prince Albert's stuttering, a source of disappointment and anger since he was four or five years of age, causes him to bungle the speech. The public response is not positive.
Knowing that Prince Albert needs help but is too proud to get it, his wife, Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter), makes an appointment to see Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush), a highly recommended speech therapist from Australia. She finds him to be an oddball who is very self-confident about helping people with speech impediments. He has developed his own brand of therapy — a combination of vocal and physical exercises as well as elementary psychotherapy.
In their first session, Lionel insists on the operating principle of "My castle, my rules." This means first-name equality: Lionel addresses the prince as "Bertie" and wants to be called "Lionel." Behind stuttering is a wellspring of fear, and it takes Prince Albert a long time to come to terms with that. He walks out of the first session in anger, not realizing that Lionel's essential mission is to help him find his own special voice.
The poet David Whyte has written: "Our voice, then, is a powerful arbiter of our inner life, our power relationships with others, and a touchstone of faith in the life we wish to lead."
Over the years, Prince Albert has been a brave and persevering member of the Royal Family, absorbing the abuse from a nanny and the humiliation at the hands of his older brother and father because of his stammering. But somewhere along the way, he has become consumed with fear and self-hatred. When his brother, Edward (Guy Pearce), ascends to the throne and then abdicates to marry Wallis Simpson (Eve Best), a notorious American socialite, Albert has a panic attack and returns to Lionel for help; as the next King of England, he will be required to give many important speeches. The therapist's greatest gift to him is his belief that he can accomplish great things.
Tom Hooper directs this stunningly acted biodrama with just the right mixture of sobriety, humor, and emotional catharsis. He gave us hints of his ability to draw out these three qualities in The Damned United, a rousing movie about soccer. The two lead actors, Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush, are sure to get Academy Award nominations for their nuanced and sympathetic portraits. Screenwriter David Seidler does a commendable job teaching us things we did not know about stuttering, its causes, and challenges.
The movie hinges on the unfolding friendship between the temperamental Prince Albert and the unorthodox speech therapist as they learn to relax in one another's company and share the stories of their lives. Lionel is there for King George VI when he is crowned and when he addresses England in 1939 on the country's entry into war against Germany. Also in the room listening to the speech are Winston Churchill (Timothy Spall), Archbishop Cosmo Lang (Derek Jacobi), and others who know in their hearts what a long way the king has come to claim his own voice. Albert Schweitzer has written:
"The older we grow, the more we realize that true power and happiness comes to us only through those who spiritually mean something to us. Whether they are near or far, still alive or dead, we need them if we are to find our way through life. The good we bear within us can be turned into life and action only when they are near to us in spirit."
Special features on the DVD include an audio commentary with director Tom Hooper; a 20-minute "Making Of The King's Speech"; and archival footage of the actual King George VI.
An enthralling and heart-stirring biodrama about an unusual friendship that transforms the life and soul of King George VI of England.
Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart
"Incalculable harm is done to the relationship between the generations by the complaining (often accompanied by implications of neglect) that comprises the conversation of many of the elderly. I know lots of people who have come to dread phone calls from their parents and especially their answer to the question, 'How are you doing?' What could be less interesting and more discouraging than a litany of aches, pains, and bowel difficulties, delivered in the querulous tone of those who realize that what they are suffering from is beyond remedy and getting worse?
"I believe that parenthood, a voluntary commitment, does not incur a reciprocal obligation in the young — either to conform their lives to our parental preferences, or to listen endlessly to our protests about the ravages of time. In fact, I am of the opinion that the old have a duty to suffer the losses of age with as much grace and determination as they can muster and to avoid inflicting their discomforts on those who love them.
"It is a primary task of parents throughout their lives to convey to the young a sense of optimism. Whatever other obligations we have to our children, a conviction that we can achieve happiness amid the losses and uncertainties that life contains is the greatest gift that can pass from one generation to the next. Like all the values we wish to teach our children — honesty, commitment, empathy, respect, hard work — the supreme importance of hope is taught by example.
"Many old people report the feeling of invisibility experienced by other minorities. This takes the form of being ignored in stores by salespeople, seeing few desirable reflections of themselves in popular culture, becoming the object of obligatory visits and phone calls from family members, and above all, no longer being treated as if they have anything useful to say. It is this latter experience, not being listened to, that is the most galling for the elderly. The excruciatingly boring conversation that the old traditionally inflict upon the young is a kind of retaliation for the devaluation and sense of irrelevance that many old people feel.
" 'Getting old is not for sissies' is an accurate statement of the predicament faced by the old in a youth-obsessed society. Perhaps our final obligation is to sustain the physical and psychological blows that accompany our aging with a dignity that eschews self-pity.
"Is it possible to remain hopeful in the face of the insults to our selfhood that time inflicts? Just as courage is a virtue not equally distributed among the young, so we cannot expect it to be uniformly demonstrated by the old. We know and value it when we see it, however. It is our ability to contemplate our imminent mortality with equanimity that gives us the opportunity, finally, to be brave.
"If we can retain our good humor and interest in others even as the curtain closes, we will have contributed something of inestimable value to those who survive us. We will have thereby fulfilled our final obligation to them and expressed our gratitude for the gift of life that we, undeserving, have been given and that we have enjoyed for so long."
Gordon Livingston on the obligation of elderly to convey hope to their children.