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Rowan Williams, Where God Happens
The commonwealth of God is a place where speech is restored, in praise, in patience, in attentive speaking (which is bound up with attentive listening).
The commonwealth of God is a place where
Re-creating a Life
"For over a decade, I have been experimenting with formats for inviting participants in communities of small groups to hear into speech listone another's stories. I have found that the 4, 4, 4 process provides safety, ease, and accessibility for groups of all ages and backgrounds.
What is the 4, 4, 4 Storytelling Process?
"Telling: The focus person shares her or his story in response to one of the questions featured in this book. | Up to 4 minutes
"Responding: Listeners take turns contributing their responses to the story | Up to 4 minutes
"Retelling: The focus person describes what s/he is discovering about her or his story | Up to 4 minutes
"Pausing: Participants share time in silence to honor what has been shared | Up to 1 minute
"It is a highly structured process, and it is the structure that cultivates safety, freedom, and ease. Each person has the same amount of time to speak without cross talk, receive others' responses, and re-tell their story in light of others' responses. Allocating the same amount of time for every participant alleviates the concern that some participants may dominate the conversation while leaving others with little to no time to share their own story.
"Another reason the 4, 4, 4 format has proven so powerful is it immediately requires the storyteller to be selective in what they tell. Having a clear time limit to which all persons will be held accountable to increases the likelihood that participants will speak more mindfully (and they do!). While having such a limited time may initially increase the storyteller's anxiety, that anxiety can be addressed by allocating time for participants to reflect in writing together before they share as a group or giving them the narrative prompt before their next meeting."
A format for telling and listening to life stories.
Best of Enemies
In 1968 when the summer political conventions rolled around, the ABC Television News division was lagging far behind CBS and NBC. Whereas the leading networks had already decided to cover both conventions gavel to gavel, the mavericks at ABC came up with a creative alternative of offering "debates" between two politically opposed commentators, William F. Buckley, editor-in-chief of the conservative magazine National Review and host of the political talk show Firing Line, versus Gore Vidal, an outspoken liberal and author of many books including the gender-bending bestseller Myra Breckinridge.
These wealthy intellectuals knew the value of celebrityhood and keeping their names and faces in front of the American public. In a clip, we see Buckley on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In and Vidal appearing with Hugh Hefner on Playboy After Dark. They were very excited to comment on the convention proceedings and the cultural climate in America following the assassinations of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr and Robert Kennedy, as well as the anti-Vietnam war protests.
In this engrossing documentary directed by Morgan Neville and Robert Gordon, we witness two articulate elitists who vehemently detested each other trade barbs and criticisms until all hell breaks loose with the following exchange: After Buckley compares the anti-war protesters in Chicago to bullying fascists, Vidal replies "the only pro- or crypto-Nazi I can think of is yourself." That leads Buckley to call Vidal a queer and to threaten him with a "sock in the **** face."
This shameful exchange, which sounds like something from talk radio in the 70s and 80s, haunted both men for years through essays in Esquire and lawsuits and counter-lawsuits. Worst of all, this lamentable incident was the initial volley in the blood-sport that now passes for political talk on television where shouting matches prevail over rational dialogue.
A documentary about the exchanges that started the trend of shouting matches passing themselves off as political talk.
Fostering Wholesome Speech
Practice renouncing a particular pattern of speech, such as the need to complain, express anger, repeat gossip, or indulge in memories. Start each day with a commitment to let go of of the impulse to use unwise speech. Try to make your speech unhurried, calm, and thoughtful, even in the face of provocation, so that in the renunciation of unhealthy speech, wholesome speech comes naturally.
Renouncing complaint, anger, gossip, or sentimentality.
Preventing the Explosion
The habit of lashing out lies deep within us all. Our fuse tends to be very short, and it is almost impossible to stop ourselves once we start to explode. If we try to squelch the explosion, it will only implode. We have to train ourselves to prevent the explosion from taking place at all.
One approach is to realize that allowing ourselves to be insulted by someone's words is like being fooled by an echo. If someone tells us that the piece of gold we own is nothing but an ugly rock, that doesn't make the gold any less valuable. If a hundred people tell us that the rock on our table is a beautiful piece of gold, that doesn't make it any more valuable. People may insult us, but that doesn't mean their words are any truer than words of praise. Whether we're praised or blamed makes no difference; it doesn't change us one way or the other. Instead, we should tell ourselves that words are no more than the sound of wind over vocal chords.
We can remind ourselves that an irate person's words and actions are impermanent. Someone who is our friend today may have been our enemy in another lifetime. Our current enemy was formerly a friend or kind parent. In any case, his words are different now than they were yesterday and will be tomorrow.
Remembering that words are impermanent.
Wise Speech
Try this in your next argument or conflict: Take a pause. Hold everyone's struggle in compassion. Connect with your highest intention. Whenever things get difficult, pause before you speak and sense your wise motivation. From there, it will all flow better. This is the secret of wise speech. As the Buddha describes it: "Speak with kindly motivation. Speak what is true and helpful, speak in due season and to the benefit of all." When we connect with our highest intention, we learn to see with the eyes of compassion and everything becomes more workable.
Learning to speak with kindly motivation
Tough Questions Jews Ask, 2nd Edition
"Texting is a marvelous invention. It connects us instantly with friends all over the world. But look at what happened here, just a moment ago. All of you sat in this room together, but you weren't sharing with each other how today went in school, you weren't talking about what happened over the weekend, you weren't listening to each other's thoughts or feelings. You were all focused on your texting, as if each of you were alone in the room. That's my issue with texting — it connects us, but it also pushes us apart because it distracts us from the people who are around us. Texting keeps us from face-to-face conversation with the people who are right here.
"In Hebrew, the word for 'face' is panim. It's related to the Hebrew word lif'nim, which means 'inside.' When I communicate face to face with a person, something special happens — I can perceive their inner life, their thoughts and feelings, what hurts them, what brings them joy. When I look someone in the eye, I come to know that person. I communicate my care, concern, and respect by looking back at them in a certain way.
"When we communicate face to face, we listen in a much deeper way. We listen to what is said, and what isn't said. Try this experiment: Turn on a TV show that's in a language you don't speak and see how much you can figure out without understanding a word of what is being said. You'll be surprised at how much is communicated by gestures, expressions, tone of voice, or just a look.
"From a very early age, we learn to 'read' faces. We learn everything about ourselves from watching the faces of those around us. That Hebrew word, panim, is a plural noun. It's a strange fact of human existence that not one of us can see his or her own face. The most prominent sign of our identity, and we can't even see it! That means that we need other people to help us know who we are. As young children we learn about ourselves from looking into the faces of those who know us and love us. That's how we learn the most important thing a person can ever learn: That we matter to someone.
"In the last century, there lived a great Jewish thinker named Martin Buber who taught that the most important moments in all of life are the moments we meet and communicate deeply with one another. He called these I-Thou moments and taught that everything really good in human life — love, learning, the feeling of being appreciated, knowing that someone really cares for us — comes from these moments of meeting."
Edward Feinstein on cherishing I-Thou moments.
Ghazali on the Principles of Islamic Spirituality
Curing Envy
"Know that envy is one of the major diseases of the heart, and the disease of the heart is not cured except by the medicine of both knowledge and action.
"As for the knowledge cure: it is that you know that your envy harms only yourself and does not harm the one you envy; rather, it benefits him. As for it harming yourself, it is that it nullifies your good deeds and exposes you to the wrath of Allah Most High, for you are discontent with divine destiny and are stingy with Allah's blessings that He has generously bestowed upon His servants from His storehouse. This is the harm to the envier's religious life.
"As for the harm to your worldly life, it is that you do not cease to be in constant sorrow and inescapable grief, which is what your enemy desires for you. Among the most important objectives of your enemy and the most perfect of your enemy's blessings is the sorrow of his envier, for you the envier had wanted a tribulation to befall your enemy, but obtained it for yourself instead.
"The envious one is never devoid of grief and affliction, since your enemy's blessings are not removed. As to the fact that envy benefits your enemy without harming him, it is because the blessing does not disappear by way of the envier's envy. . . .
"As for the action cure: it is that you know the ruling for envy and that which it necessitates with regard to speech and action. So you oppose it and act according to its opposite,* extolling the one you envy, manifesting joy at the blessings bestowed upon him, and behaving humbly toward him. With that, the one envied returns to you as a friend, and envy departs from you, and you are rid of its evil and suffering.
"Allah Most High says in the Qur'an, 'Nor can goodness and evil be equal. Repel (evil) with what is better. Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!' [41:34]."
* "You oppose envy and do the opposite of envy, by praising your enemy, manifesting happiness with your enemy's blessings, and so on."
Abu Hamid al-Ghazali on curing envy through knowledge and action.
The Art of Being
Dennis Merritt Jones has been involved in the human potential movement and the field of spirituality as a minister, teacher, personal coach, and lecturer for more than 25 years. He is the founder and spiritual director of OneSpirit Center for Conscious Living in Simi Valley, California, where he lives. In this lively and varied collection of essays, Jones shares the wisdom of the New Thought movement as it relates to a holistic delight in being. He defines spirituality as "the art and practice of consciously being spiritual." He finds the presence of God in every aspect of our daily lives.
In his second essay, Jones comments on how he was positively affected by a bumper sticker he spotted that proclaimed "We All Live Downstream." What we do, say, and think has a profound impact on those who come after us. You can think about this slogan in terms of taking care of the environment right now so that future generations are able to enjoy the planet in the same way as we are. Or you can think about it in terms of passing on a spirituality to those who come after us. Thinking about our legacy right now lends an authenticity to everything we do.
Jones covers a wide swath of subject matter in these essays including the value of blessings, the importance of community, the rhythm of reality, seeking balance in all things, making the most of obstacles, learning from our mistakes, the power of gratitude, taking a global view, the wisdom of release, seeing yourself as God's seedling, the wonder of it all, giving your personal best, stepping into the mystery of "I don't know," and appreciating the gift.
The most valuable section in the book is a mindfulness practice after each of the readings. Here is a sampler of some of these practices:
• "Invite God's presence into your conversations. See the presence of God in the eyes of the person with whom you are communicating and feel that presence at the center of your own being."
• "You might want to bless your workplace by saying, 'I bless my place of employment and everyone with whom I work, knowing that God's integrity, infinite wisdom, and compassion move through me and all who enter these doors."
• "As you drive around town passing different churches and various places of worship, bless each one and celebrate them in their ability to transport people to the 'top of the mountain.' "
• "If you need to conduct business on a cell phone, do it with a mindfulness of the impact it has on others around you."
• "If you find that others want to offer their opinion of you today, positive or negative, smile and say, 'Thanks for sharing.'
• "If it is negative, let it become as water off a duck's back.
• "If it is positive, silently give credit where credit is due by saying to yourself, 'It is not me, but God within that does the work.' "
Presents the wisdom of the New Thought movement as the author ponders different aspects of everyday spirituality.
Recognize Yourself
Place a small sign on your mirror that says "Recognize yourself," and when you look at your reflection each morning, form an intention that you will spend the day observing your words and actions so that you might eliminate those that are harmful to yourself or others, and focus on those that nurture health and happiness. Also when you see yourself in the mirror, know that you are seeing a reflection of God's energies as they manifest in you.
Observing your own words and actions.