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Bite Your Tongue
The Sacrifice of the Tongue is one of those invisible disciplines that reaps rich rewards for all who engage in this priestly ritual. Unlike daily sacrifices, this ritual is used only in those urgent times when words of criticism, disagreement, anger and impatience are beginning to take shape on your tongue….
Begin the ritual by gently gripping the tip of your tongue with your upper and lower teeth and softly squeezing them together, thus restraining your tool of speech. This unspoken prayer of tongue retention will prevent you from speaking. The next step is to swallow your intended critical or negative words…. Only when the impulse to express whatever your soul has judged to be inappropriate disappears should you gently release your tongue. Yet do so with an inner smile of gratitude, for in the act of silencing your tongue, your soul has grown.
An unspoken prayer ritual for those times we are tempted to utter unkind words.
The Eminently Trainable Mind
"The early Buddhists of Tibet were known as the Kadampas — they were simple people, herders and carpenters and small farmers, who took to the new ideas like fish to water, in their simple but exquisite way. They carried around a small bag of pebbles, half white and half black. Whenever they had a very good thought, or said something very positive to another person, or did someone else a kindness, they would take a white pebble out and put it say in their left pocket. Every time they had a negative thought about someone else, or said or did something unkind to another person, they would take a black pebble out of the bag and put it in their right pocket.
"At the end of the day, just before going to bed, they would take all the pebbles out of their pockets and count up the black and the white. They immediately learned, as you will too, that the black pebbles far outnumbered the white pebbles. This isn't to say we're all evil and that we should always feel guilty or dirty — it just means that the basic condition of most minds in this corner of the universe (and there are many other corners) happens to work that way. A very, very important quality of our minds though — and you can see this is true — is that they are eminently trainable. With a little practice, your mind can learn almost anything; it's just a question of putting your mind to it."
To Practice: Collect a bag of black and white stones and use them as the Kadampas did. In this way, you train your mind to emphasize the positive in your relationships with others.
Explanation of a Buddhist way to train the mind to be kind.
Custody of the Eyes, Ears, and Tongue
"Today we frequently find curiosity to be a powerful instigator of gossip, scandal, and a source of vicarious pleasure that allows us to live through others' lives rather than our own. We may find it difficult to tear ourselves away from constant news updates on events that are emotionally stimulating but of little real value. 'Custody' can be a good antidote to an out-of-control curiosity.
"The monastic custom of 'custody' can be easily observed in what is called custody of the eyes. In this practice, monastics carry out the activities of their day, moving as needed from place to place with their attention centered interiorly, perhaps focused on Abbot Issac's complete prayer: 'O God come to my help; O Lord make haste to help me' (Psalm 70:1; RB 18:1). To facilitate unceasing prayer, monastics keep their gaze lowered, minimizing unnecessary visual distractions that might fragment their attention. Similarly, custody may be kept with the ears, by deliberately refraining from listening to conversations not meant for one's own ears. . . .
"Custody of the tongue is even more important than custody of the eyes and ears. As Jesus reminds us, what comes out of us even more than what goes in reveals the true state of our hearts (Matthew 12:33-37)."
To Practice: Be aware of what goes out of your mouth, and if it tends to be negative and critical words, mind your tongue.
Wisdom of the monastic custom of custody as a way to be kind and respectful.
Robert Frager in Love Is the Wine
In the Turkish and Arabic linguistic traditions, the names of saints, prophets and other holy beings are always followed by an honorific phrase. It is considered impolite and disrespectful to say "Jesus" or "Moses" as if you were speaking of your neighbor next door. [An example is] "Muhammed (God's Peace and Blessings upon him)."
Names of holy beings are followed by an honorific name
Parker J. Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness
Storytelling has always been at the heart of being human because it serves some of our most basic needs: passing along our traditions, confessing failings, healing wounds, engendering hope; strengthening our sense of community. But in our culture of invasion and evasion, this time-honored practice cannot be taken for granted. It must be supported in special settings and protected with strong ground rules.
Instead of telling our vulnerable stories, we seek safety in abstractions, speaking to each other about our opinions, ideas, and beliefs rather than about our lives. Academic culture blesses this practice by insisting the more abstract our speech, the more likely we are to touch the universal truths that unite us. But what happens is exactly the reverse: as our discourse become more abstract, the less connected we feel.
The less connected we feel
David Steindl-Rast, Music of Silence
We have traveled full circle across the seasons of the day, and have arrived at the Great Silence: the bridge of silence between Compline and Vigils that will inaugurate the cycle of the hours anew.
Music is not merely a rhythmic arrangement of notes, but derives its life from the matrix of silence out of which it arises and into which it inevitably flows. And it is the silence between the notes that gives them meaning and grace. The great silence is the silent rest before the day chants its recurrent melody of the hours.
When chant music stops, sometimes quite abruptly, an audible silence reverberates throughout the room, especially in the high arches of the oratories in which it is sung. This silence is not merely sound's absence, but a mysterious presence, the immense nothingness that is our origin and our home. If we listen carefully, we discover that when all is said and done, chant inducts us into this silence that is the ground of our being.
T.S. Eliot said, "Words after speech, reach into silence." This is also true of music.
Chant inducts us into this silence that is the ground of our being.
Arthur Waskow, Down-to-Earth Judaism
So finally, not only in the theory of the Rabbis but in the daily practice of the Jewish household, the orality of eating and the orality of speaking were fused into an oral Torah of ordinary life. Both food and conversation became holy — the one, a sacred offering into every mouth; the other, a sacred offering out from every mouth.
Both food and conversation became holy
Civility Brushed Aside
"America has always harbored virulent strains of coarseness and cruelty and political campaigns are customarily bitter mudslinging affairs," writes Teddy Wayne in an article in The New York Times. He, like many of us, laments that a "culture of nastiness has metastasized in which meanness is routinely rewarded, and common decency and civility are brushed aside."
"America has always harbored virulent strains of coarseness and cruelty and political campaigns are customarily bitter mudslinging affairs," writes Teddy Wayne in an article in The New York Times. He, like many of us, laments that a "culture of nastiness has metastasized in which meanness is routinely rewarded, and common decency and civility are brushed aside."
The Art of Communicating
At 86, Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn has already written about, reflected upon, and addressed most of the major issues of our times, such as power, anger, fear, and peace. In this rousing paperback, he takes a hard look at the art of communicating in an era of texting, emailing, tweeting, and posting. Have all of our electronic devices helped us to connect deeply with others? What are the major challenges facing those who really want to express themselves through the technologies of communication?
Nhat Hahn is convinced that loneliness is the suffering of our times brought on by the emptiness inside us and the hunger for love. As an antidote, he suggests nonthinking and nontalking as ways to commune and communicate with our breath, our body, and the present moment.
Once we connect with ourselves, we can begin to communicate with others. It is best to begin by saying hello to the Buddha within others. Listening deeply to what others say we build bridges of understanding, tolerance, and compassion. Nhat Hahn then describes the four trainings of Right Speech which enable us to use words that express nondiscrimination, forgiveness, support, and love. This is followed by his six mantras which can be used in any relationship to enhance intimacy and reciprocity.
All of the practices suggested above can be utilized when difficulties arise in challenging situations at home, at work, and in the community. This paperback concludes with more practices to enhance communication including the computer bell, drinking tea in mindfulness, writing a love letter, negotiating peace treaties, and beginning anew (see the excerpt).
A hard look at communing and communicating in this high tech age.
The Boundaries of the Cup
My cup speaks to me about boundaries. If the cup did not have the boundaries of sides and a bottom it could not hold anything in it. The cup has an opening — it is able to give and receive — but the boundaries keep what it contains from being spilled everywhere. Likewise, we must have boundaries around the time we need to connect with our deeper selves. Otherwise, all sorts of situations, interferences, interruptions, and schedule pressure will cause this time to fall apart and be in great disarray. Everyone else cannot always come first. We need to value ourselves enough to spread our spiritual wings and receive God's energy. Even Jesus put himself first at those times when he prayed alone or went apart from his ministry so that he could renew his inner resources. . . .
Take some time today to think about your spiritual boundaries. Are there any areas that need some attention?
Reflection
Hold your cup in your hands.
Touch the sides and the bottom of the cup.
Trace the outside of the cup with your fingers.
Run your fingers around the inside of the cup.
Close your eyes and imagine your spiritual boundaries.
Let yourself lean on God for awhile.
Ask for whatever boundaries are needed in your spiritual life.
Listen to God speak to you about these boundaries.
Finding your spiritual boundaries.