How to Honor the Elders in Your Family

by Diane Gansauer

"In April 2012, my family was discussing the upcoming 98th birthday of our Aunt Helen, who survived the Great Depression and tended the home front while her three brothers fought for our country in World War II. We agreed that we shouldn't wait to honor Helen but should instead pay tribute to her while she was able to enjoy the moment.


"I started calling Helen to listen to her stories. She'd start out by saying that she wasn't feeling very well, but before long it was hard to keep up with all the memories that poured out of her. By the fall, I had printed a mini-biography that Helen could edit.

"Here's how we prepared for the tribute dinner:

• I wrote a simple ceremony on the theme of 'the family tree.'
• A family member brought a beautiful hand-drawn family tree tracing our heritage back to the 1500s.
• We booked a banquet room and placed on each table a small tree on which people could hang notes to Helen.
• We set a table with photos of family members who had passed away and gave thanks for their presence in our lives.
• Each person was given a card extolling the example trees provide by sinking roots into the ground and by changing with the seasons.
• The youngest children brought small gifts to give Helen.

The Tribute

"On Helen's big night, family members gathered at a banquet room near her home. We shared mealtime grace and named loved ones who could not make the journey. And then my husband gave a funny speech that put Helen's life in historical context: 'Aunt Helen has outlasted almost everything from the Austro-Hungarian Empire to Phyllis Diller.' Then family members took turns reading parts of Helen's poignant and funny story out loud.

"Later that evening, when she heard her favorite big band music, Helen led the dancing. When she looked around and said, 'They all came!' I knew we had not only honored her but had also given her — and the whole family — a very happy memory.

In Closing

"There is no simpler, more beautiful way to honor someone than to make room for their story to be told. By listening, we affirm the one who lived the story and we protect it from being lost. As time goes on, questions and observations by the youngest family members reveal that they are keeping these family stories in their hearts.

"Diane Gansauer is a Life-Cycle Celebrant with certification in Funerals and Ceremonies Across the Life Cycle. She lives in the foothills of Evergreen, Colorado, with her husband, Bob. Diane can be reached by email at or through her website,"