William B. Irvine is professor at Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio, and the author of A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy and On Desire: Why We Want What We Want. In his introduction to this intriguing and engaging work, the author says its purpose is to "understand insults, the social role they play, the reason we are inclined to insult others, and the reason it hurts when they insult us."
Early in our lives many of us become well acquainted with words used as weapons against us. Although parents and teachers tell children that sticks and stones can break your bones and names can never hurt you, recent reports of the suicides of boys and girls bullied by their peers prove the danger in a constant barrage of insults and humiliations. Irvine talks about these forms of criticism as the equivalent of a slap in the face. Among European Hasidic Jews, using harsh words to shame or humiliate a person in public causes that individual to blush which is likened to a stabbing from within. They extend this description to include nonverbal insults via looks, gestures, and other subtle acts.
Power and ego play a large part in our need to ridicule, harm, tease, and put others down. Irvine examines Stoic philosophy and evolutionary psychology in his quest to understand the roots of the pleasure we derive from putting a world of hurt on others. In an impressive finale, he covers personal and societal responses to insults which include adopting codes of kindness, becoming a more civil society, and trying to restrict hate speech. The best spiritual advice comes from Buddhism: practice equanimity and ignore both praise and insults. This demands plenty of practice and goes against the grain of our culture where we are supposed to be responsive to both the accolades and the condemnations of others.
